I and Love and You
by whoyouarexo
Summary: Syed & Christian are perfectly happy, but when Syed receives a tragic diagnosis, is he going to start leading another double life to protect Christian? R & R people, reviews are love! Chapter 11 up
1. Going home

Hi guys, a newbie Chryed writer over here, seething at the lack of screentime!

Also lurk on the WFCTGIO thread on digital spy and I think all of you guys are brilliant!

Review if you can readers, ive got a deep storyline coming up!

Set after the speech Syed makes to his parents about accepting Christian..no adoption mention as of yet! Bit of sort of fluff to start us off! The storyline im introducing is going to be pretty subtle!

* * *

><p>Syed slammed his crutches down furiously as he turned to Christian, who gave him a worried glance<p>

"Lets go" he said, as Christian caught the door for him, and they started off into the night, Syed not looking carefully where he was going

"Hey Sy watch it..your gonna hurt yourself if you stick that crutch in the wrong place!" Christian exclaimed lightly, jogging to catch up with his lover, who he could tell was frustrated

"What gives them the right?" Syed said, angrily, jabbing the key at the door forlornly, and not even noticing Christian lightly tug the key away from him, and support him up the stairs

"Thanks" Syed mumbled, placing his crutches on the inside of the building and starting to make his way across the flat. He propped his crutches up against the wall, he didn't like to use them unless he really needed to, he liked his independence, even if hobbling looked a lot more like a struggle then crutches.

Syed eventually decided on sinking down to the sofa, Christian plopped beside him

"Don't let them upset you" Christian said, looking at the brown eyes of his counterpart, and watching them as his anger turned to upset and he realised that once again, he was back to square one

"Everything had been getting better.." Syed whispered, almost hopefully, and Christian sighed as a expression of pain crossed his green eyes, and flickered them downwards, responding only in surprise when he felt Syeds warm hand caress his cheek, cupping it slightly, nervously, and he looked up to see Syed's dark brown eyes gazing into his intensely

"I love you Christian" Syed simply said, with a warm smile, and Christian took his hand and gave him a smile, leaning agaisnt his hand somewhat. He always wondered if Syed ever resented him. Christian was the reason he didn't have his family. Syed seemed to sense this, and placed his other hand on Christians spare cheek, using a thumb to stroke the defined cheekbones of his lover

"I dont blame you Christian..I chose you because you are what I want. Sometimes I miss them..yeah..I would still do anything for them, to get them back..but you..your the most important thing in the world to me" Syed said softly, sensually. Syed wasn't a man who expressed his feelings through words alot, so when he did, it meant alot

Christian placed his hands around Syed's cheeks, stroking the small amount of stubble that had grown there, and pressed a kiss to the younger mans forehead

"You have no idea how much that means to me" Christian said, who sounded a little choked up, surprised perhaps

"I do" Syed said, continuing to trace circles around Christians cheeks with the smooth touch of his thumb, enough to cause Christian to errupt into shivers

"I love you" Christian smiled, with a definite happiness to his tone of voice

"I love you too" Syed smiled, leaning his head forward until their foreheads were touching, as if gravity was pulling them in. He leant in and brushed Christians lips, teasing him slightly with a small playful smirk, before Christian looped one arm lightly but possessively around Syeds smaller waist, and pulled him in, Syed placing a hand around the back of Christians head to support himself, as he was enticed into a passionate embrace with Christian, he closed his eyes and felt his worries completely disintegrated, even curing his earlier headache, or at least placing it out of his mind. Syed ran his hands down Christians back, who kissed him with more and more vigour, as Syed moaned softly agaisnt his partners lips, pulling him closer as their bodies slotted together


	2. Just a headache

Chapter2 ; Thanks for all of the feedback everyone!

Keep reviewing!

* * *

><p>"..so yeah" Syed was talking to Tanya in the salon, relaying the story of what he had said to his parents last night..they hadn't got customers booked in for the morning because they had been doing a stockcount, but now that was done, it was a nice time for a break<p>

Tanya looked at him, wondering how to react. It was great that he stood up for himself, but she could also see the pain of not having a family was getting to him

"Good Sy..if they cant see you for who you are then they don't deserve a son like you" Tanya said with a small smile, and Syed flashed her a "thank you" grin

"Hows Greg?" he asked, laughing a little to lighten the mood

"Still at home loving the fact he hasn't got a salon in his front room, he practically dragged the tv back downstairs!" Tanya laughed, and Syed rolled his eyes

"I have to say he didn't seem thrilled at the prospect of men coming in for massages!"

"I was quite happy with it though" Tanya winked, and Syed laughed

"You and Christian all loved up and happy then?" Tanya asked, and Syed smiled happily at the thought of Christian, caught in a bit of a daydream

"I take that as a yes" she smiled

"Yes" Syed softly said, and took a sip of water

* * *

><p>"So Syed told his parents where to "stick it" as you texted?" Jane asked, pouring Christian a coffee and watching him smile with a sense of admiration and pride glowing in his eyes<p>

"Yup" Christian nodded, and Jane smiled

"See how far you two have come since last year eh?" Jane grinned, and watched her brothers happy expression

"So hows Ian?" Christian asked,putting his elbows on the table and watching his sister

"The less said about Ian Beale is the better" Jane narrowed her eyes at the thought of her husband, soon to be ex

"Being a weasel again?" Christian asked

"He only hired a escort and tried to say it was his girlfriend!" Jane fumed, and Christian didn't know whether to laugh or be angry..Jane saw a grin creeping across his face

"Of course its funny for a man with the now perfect relationship!" Jane watched the corners of his face crease into a smile, she used to know what that felt like. Every situation was lightened because of the person she went home to, every problem never felt like a weight, because they fought things together. She remembered this time last year, when Syed and Christian were in the aftermath of their affair, and Jane and Ian were strong; And now things had changed around again

"Things will get better Jane, trust me" Christian encouraged her

"We need to get you out there" Christian grinned, and Jane shook her head

"No, no blind dates Christian!" Jane exclaimed,sipping her coffee and pointing her finger at him

"Aww, don't you remember the last one I gave you?" Christian wickedly grinned

"How will I ever forget you telling me about a handsome brunette and getting Billy Mitchell!" Jane asked, and Christian laughed and sighed as he looked as his watch

"Gotta go babe next client, but i'll see you later yeah?" Christian asked, and pecked her on the cheek

"Keep smiling bro, one of us has to" Jane smiled after her brother, and went back to clearing tables

* * *

><p>Syed sighed happily as his client went out, happy, and was distracted as he watched Christian in the square through the window, working out with his client, laughing as he put him through his paces..he then realised that once his boot was off, Christian would focus his attention on "rehabilitating" him..and Syed was not the most exercise-savvy person there was<p>

He suddenly got a wave of pain across his head and sighed again, sitting down and holding it, hoping it would go away. He had been experiencing alot of headaches recently and none of them nice, it was like someone was repeatedly knocking on his head. He groaned a little, forgetting that Tanya was just across the room

"You ok Syed?" she asked him, looking a little concerned, and keeping her gaze on the haircut that she was currently shaping

"Yeah fine..just a little headache thats all" he groaned, feeling a bit ill now

"Go home Sy, I can handle this...you look peaky, go rest and see Christian" she smiled kindly, offering him a wink at the last bit, and Syed hopped off the chair with his bottle of water in tow

"Your a lifesaver" Syed nodded wearily, and Tanya smiled at him as he went out, and carried on her job

* * *

><p>Syed curled up in bed with a hot chocolate, the way he always had done when he felt ill when he was little, in his dressing gown, alot of sugars in his drink, cuddled up. Of course usually he had Zainab who would be over protective and stay with him all day, but now he was waiting for Christian to come home<p>

Christian came bouncing through the door, smelling hot chocolate

"Home already Sy?" Christian asked, taking off his jacket and grinning at the thought of spending time with his boyfriend

"Felt ill" Syed frowned, and Christian turned round to see him curled up in the bed, looking a bit pale

"What is it babe?" Christian asked, concerned, sitting on the edge of the bed

"Just a headache Clarkey, don't worry" Syed smiled brightly, and Christian stroked some stray hair out of his face calmly

"Anything I can do for you?" he asked, looking into Sy's deep brown eyes

"Maybe a cuddle if your not busy" Syed whispered, and Christian smiled

"Of course" Christian smiled, and got into his brown dressing gown, sliding into the bed beside Syed and holding out his arms, watching Syed squeeze his eyes shut and wrap his arms around Christian, putting his head on Christians chest, and blocking out the pain he was feeling in his head. He had taken some paracetamol but it wasn't settling in properly, he felt worse if anything

Christian absent mindedly stroked Syed's head, feeling the heat radiate onto his hand

"Are you sure you don't need a doctor babe?" he asked, and Syed shook his head

"No, no, I just need to start looking after myself properly thats all" Syed flashed another smile at Christian and saw him worrying still

"You'll get worry lines" Syed grinned, trying to lighten the mood

"Funny" Christian rolled his eyes and laughed, pressing a kiss to Syeds head and holding him close

"How was your workout?" Syed asked, his breathing relaxing into a pattern as Christian rubbed his back

"Not as good as the ones I get a home, but fun" Christian coyly winked, and Syed laughed

"How was the massage?" Christian asked

"Not as good as the ones I get at home, but fun" Syed mocked with a wink, and Christian laughed and closed his eyes

"I love this" Christian sighed with a smile

"What?" Syed asked, obliviously

"Being able to be here, with you, all the time" Christian smiled,and Syed realised that Christian must of been thinking about unluckier times in previous years

"All the time" Syed muttered into Christian's chest, with a smile

"Forever" Christian smiled to himself, and he felt Syed take his hand

"Forever Christian" he smiled, and watched as the older man fell into a sense of slumber, Syed tracing patterns round his chest and he tried to get rid of the headache, squinting again as the pain became more unbearable, letting out a involuntary groan, which Christian quickly reacted to by pulling him closer, taking him into that little bubble that he knew could help Syed forget anything in a heartbeat..it was just them.

But later, as the pain was wearing off, Syed was wondering if it was just as simple as a headache..


	3. 4 weeks on

Chapter 3:

* * *

><p>4 weeks later.<p>

* * *

><p>"Sy, can you pass me those towels?" Tanya asked, and Syed immediately went to find the towel<p>

"What colour?" He shouted back, and waited patiently

"Red ones please!" she shouted back, and Syed nodded to himself and looked around the store cupboard, finding pink, white, yellow, but no red..he looked on the delivery board, but he could hardly make out the writing. He made a mental note to get a bigger font size, then carried on looking, surprised as the red towels were suddenly in front of him, clear as day..he quickly hastened to grab a couple and take them to Tanya

"What happened there did you get lost?" Tanya laughed, grabbing a towel and starting to towel dry Janes hair casually

"Something like that" Syed smiled loftily, feeling confused but pushing it to the back of his mind, he was here to work

"How are you Syed? Christian said you were ill the other week?" Jane asked, and Syed looked a little confused, and remembered the headache

"Oh yeah that..thats all fine" Syed nodded, and Jane smiled

"Have you been to a doctor at all?" she asked, in the way she would of asked one of Ians kids, she just liked knowing things had been dealt with

"No, but im going to if it happens again" Syed smiled politely at Jane, before their conversation was interrupted

"Hello gorgeous..and Tan..and Jane" Christian grinned, appearing in the doorway

"What are you doing here?" Sy asked, surprised

"Well, I thought, where better to spend my lunch break, you see I even bought you some cake" Christian smiled, holding up a package from the cafe

"From the cafe..traitor!" Jane said, in jest

"Oh tell me about it, your husband is not happy with my custom!" Christian laughed

"What do you mean?" Jane sighed

"Oh don't worry Jane I can handle Ian Beale weeding on about how he wants next months payment in advance, don't you worry!" Christian reassured her

"He said that"

"Don't worry about it im sure between me and Sy we can handle things" he laughed, turning round to face Syed, but seeing that he had disappeared

* * *

><p>Syed honestly did not know what had just come over him. One minute he was ready to devour the chocolate cake Christian had bought and spend his lunchtime curled up with his boyfriend on a sofa, then the next minute, he had opened the bag, had a wave of sickness to rival a pregnant woman, and now he was vomiting in the toliet like he had been there for his whole life. This hadn't happened alot<p>

"Sy?" he heard Christian outside the toliet, and Syed frowned, hopefully Christian didn't hear too much

"Yeah?" he asked, the picture of innocence

"You alright..you just bolted off!" Christian laughed a little "don't worry I didn't bake the cake..although Ian might of spat in it..actually no I mentioned it was for you and he only has a vendetta agaisnt me" Christian babbled, and Syed chuckled a little

"Im fine, just had to go" he laughed, thanking whoever had decided to put mouthwash in the toliets today..he felt like he was going to vomit again as the liquid squished around his mouth, removing tracks of the last bought of sickness..this was not the first time..he was always sick in the salon, maybe it was the fumes..but he hadn't been sick in a good 2 weeks now. He had forgotten how horrible it was. He shook his hair around a little and opened the door, giving Christian a wide, and fairly unconvincing grin, something which was not helped by the fact that he looked pale again

"Sy have you got a headache?" Christian asked thoughtfully, watching him. Something did not add up

"Nope..never felt better!" Syed lied, taking a bite out of his chocolate cake to satisfy Christian, and he silently prayed that it wouldn't come back up

"Ok..its just after a couple of weeks ago with the headaches and stuff.." Christian started

"What, am I suddenly a danger?" Syed snapped, not even knowing where it came from

"Eh?" Christian asked, a bit lost, and he never liked it when Syed snapped

"You told Jane aswell..it was nothing it was just one headache Christian!" Syed insisted, still wondering why he had suddenly taken on the personality of that guy with the dreary voice who snapped

"Ok, sorry for the concern" Christian pouted slightly,and made to turn away, but Syed grabbed his hand

"Sorry..its just..I don't like fuss.." Syed maintained

"Well thats easy enough to know" Christian laughed a little in relief, and pulled him into a hug

"Come here you silly thing..now are you sure your ok?" Christian asked

"Peachy" Syed smiled, and Christian gave him a peck on the lips

"Brilliant..now I have to go babe, carbs to burn..off other people of course, I save my big workouts for you" Christian cackled slightly, and said his goodbyes to the gossiping Jane and Tanya before leaving, with Syed behind, watching him, suddenly feeling a bit drowsy..he stumbled towards a chair quickly, trying not to make a commotion of any sort, and he leant his head on the table

"Aww you haven't got a headache again have you?" Tanya asked, sensing his discomfort from the minute he sat. From the short time they had been working together, Tanya had figured out that Syed was not a man to sit around the place, he would always be doing something, even if it was a job like cleaning that people were hired to do

"Just tired" Syed managed, giving them both a smile and resting his head on his arms, closing his eyes with the fake grin plastered on his face..

* * *

><p>Christian worked out in the square with Roxy, who was sporting a pink tracksuit, and a red face<p>

"Christian..I said..no..running" Roxy puffed, finally catching up as Christian stopped, and laughed

"How do you expect to get your non-mummy tummy back?" Christian grinned, and Roxy put her hands on her hips

"I don't know..sit ups!" Roxy suggested, and Christian smiled again

"You'll get the hang of it..everyone ive trained so far has!" Christian grinned, then caught her eye

"Or maybe, you cant run because your hungover..and you were..with Michael last night!" Christian said, with a "Aha!" lightbulb moment..Roxy relented

"Fine I was with Michael!"

"You like him don't you?" Christian smiled, nudging her slightly as she nodded

"I do..its not just a fling Christian" Roxy said woefully, leaning her head on his shoulder

"Aww babe" Christian cooed, and Roxy rolled her eyes

"Least im not still goo-goo after a year!" she retorted

"Excuse me whos gooey?" Christian laughed

"Oh come on, I think the whole square can see how sick-inly in love you and Syed are!" Roxy laughed, and Christian smiled

"Cat got your tongue now?" Roxy giggled, and Christian nudged her

"Get running porky" he grinned, and Roxy laughed

"Im right though!" she grinned, and started to run off

* * *

><p>Jane was about to leave the salon after surveying her new hair<p>

"Thank you so much Tan, the highlights are perfect!" Jane smiled, watching as her newly hazel bouncy curls flowed around her face

"Its alright Jane..I always say, new chapter; new cut!" Tanya returned the warm smile, and both their gazes turned to Syed, who had stretched over two chairs and fallen asleep, looking pale again

"You been working him hard recently?" Jane asked with a laugh

"No..this is the 3rd time this week ive seen him out like that..not just this week either." a small frown played across Tanya's bronzed features. The first time she had walked into the massage room and seen him asleep in the chair, but it was a Monday, everybody needed some extra hours on a Monday..then on Wednesday, he had just fallen asleep on the table, and it was Friday, and now he was sprawled across some chairs

"Oh..is he ok?" Jane asked, looking at him, he didn't look well, he looked peaky..

"I asked him on Monday and he said he was fine..maybe I'll go and get Christian to get him home, I doubt he will appreciate me and you dragging him, especially as we are planning a champers night!" Tanya said, talking speedily and starting to move but Jane touched her arm

"I'll get him, you get back to Greg, and get ready, don't want you being late again" Jane smiled, and Tanya grinned and showed Jane her ring

"One month" she grinned at Jane

"Im looking forward to the reception more" Jane joked, grinning and walking out, switching off a call from Ian with a roll of the eye

"Champagne fountains!" Tanya shouted after Jane, grinning as she heard Jane laugh, and sighing softly as she saw Syed still in a deep sleep

* * *

><p>"Christian, glad Ive seen you!" Jane ran over to her brother, seeing him heading home to the flat<p>

"Oh la la nice hair Janey! Give us a twirl!" Jane laughed and twirled, giving Christian a mock pout

"Oh very nice!" Christian clapped, watching Janes expression throw back to the salon

"Whats up?" he asked her, and she chuckled softly

"Syeds fallen asleep in there, I said I would get you to wake him up and get him home" Jane smiled, and Chrisitian immediately looked worried

"I don't know whats wrong with him lately.." he said, and Jane put a arm on him

"Hes just tired thats all! Its a Friday!"

"But hes been getting all these headaches, now hes tired..its just not adding up Jane" Christian said, sighing slightly

"Well if your concerned get him to a doctor" Jane quickly replied, holding his hand "its going to be fine Christian, just go to him" Jane smiled kindly and kissed her brother on the cheek, as she watched him run towards the salon and talk to Tanya briefly

Christian walked towards the table and sighed as he saw Sy's peaceful face, he stroked it with his thumb softly, and quickly decided to scoop him up in a gentle manner, pressing a kiss delicately to his forehead while carrying him to the flat, only moving outright when he was unlocking the door.

Christian walked in, stepping lightly over the threshold of the flat and lightly put Syed on the bed, covering him with the blanket, watching his chest rise and fall in a rhythm

* * *

><p>Syed woke up to a deep pain in his head,the world around him looking slightly blurred. He looked up and quickly leant up, his aching head feeling like a weight..why was he in the flat?<p>

He looked up, breathing quickly, and saw the caring green eyes of Christian looking into his brown eyes, looking conerned

"Christian?" Syed breathed, as if this was a really strange dream

"Hey you..fell asleep in the salon" Christian gave Sy a warm smile, and Syed's eyes widened..again?..why did he fall into such deep sleeps these days?

"How did I get here?" Syed asked, getting more and more freaked out by this

"Relax, I carried you.." Christian saw his boyfriend fretting and rolled his eyes..typical. But he worried about him, he was so worked up, he looked so freaked out. And Syed wasn't usually a deep sleeper, it was Christian who would be more likely to sleep through a earthquake and wake up saying "what"

"Why didn't I wake up.." Syeds eyes darted around the room and focused on Christian, looking for a answer, for anything, he was getting increasingly stressed..first the headaches, that he had started getting months ago..but they weren't that regular, just weekly..and then they were getting worse..now the tiredness, the vomiting..what was going on

"Your tired babe" Christian told him, moving forwards and sitting on the bed cross legged, trying to soothe his lovers stressed features, trying to get Syed into the bubble again, the bubble where it was the two of them

"I know but why..im not doing anything out of the ordinary Christian!" Syed momentarily forgot where he was, he had completlely snapped

"I need to go" Syed said, standing up and running a hand through his hair, which was a little knotty

"Sy hang on what?" Christian had leaped up and held his arms

"I need a walk" was the response..spoken in a dull monotone

"You need to stay here" Christian reasoned, trying to keep a grip of his arms

"Christian I need some space, I don't know whats going on.." Syed started, he was babbling now, repeating himself

"Syed!" Christian frowned, as Syed pushed on his arms, determined to get some answers..,maybe he would walk around the square, see the lights..he liked being on his own didn't he?

He continued to heavily breathe as Christian powerlessly watched him fighting around aimlessly for his leather jacket, which he was wearing

"Wheres my jacket?" Christians eyes widened as he saw Syed's eyes bulge, and he started looking around the flat frantically, throwing things around, muttering "its got to be here somewhere, christian you've put it somewhere I know you your tidy, Is this a game of hide and seek because I don't need this Christian, im stressed as it is and this all is not helping..Christian tell me where it is, it has my wallet keys everything I wont get back in" he started to loose his words slightly and Christian gestured at him

"You done?" he asked, looking a little scared as Syed paled..he had looked down

"Im wearing it.." he said, looking up and taking a fast intake of breath, completely focused on the wall behind him until he saw Christians face turn from a slightly scared one, to a expression of complete panic..he had started to come over

"What?" Syed asked, watching Christians eyes dart to his nose, and into his eyes, as if he was checking something

"Your nose Sy!" Christian exclaimed, pointing at it and running to get tissue

"What about my nose..theres nothing wrong is there.." Syed had started, raising a hand to his nose, and touching the small space which separated his nose from his lips, frowning as he saw liquid..he took his finger away from the spot and had to stifle the cry he was about to emit..his nose was bleeding, a straight trail of blood from one nostril..it almost looked like a clot..he quickly took the tissue and removed it, hastening to make a joke about the nosebleed, the stress..Christian smiled and told him to work less, and that he was worrying him. Syed reassured him that he would stop overdoing it and eat more, drink more water, thats what this was down to

Thats what Syed believed, thats what he wanted to believe as he curled into the crook of Christians neck later that night...but was Christian convinced? The green eyes staring at the ceiling as he watched his lover slept suggested that he didn't believe it for a minute..


	4. Everything combined

Ahh thank you for the reviews guys, glad im starting to get more! :D Means alot as im a newbie Christian/Syed writer, so im hoping im channelling their characters in the right way! Thanks for sticking with me! Have to admit this storys a bit depressing, but recommend to your mates, the more feedback, the more improvement!

* * *

><p>"A nosebleed..its not the end of the world Christian.." Jane was sat opposite her brother in the cafe, and could tell he was worried<p>

"You didn't see how he was being before Jane, he was being really edgy, he wouldn't stay still.." Christian was trying to get someone else to recognise that the behaviour displayed by Syed wasn't "ok"..something was wrong and he wanted to get to the bottom of it

"Maybe he was just tired Christian, it happens to the best of us..what did you want?" Jane asked, and Christian muttered some orders under his breath, Jane saw Tanya in the cafe and was immediately grateful for the distraction

"Tan! Hello!" Jane smiled happily, and Christian sighed heavily and watched the coffee whirl around the blender

"Hey...everything ok Christian?" Tanya asked, giving him a kiss on the cheek and perching on a seat, waiting for her order

"Hes worried about Syed because hes tired and had a nosebleed" Jane said..she hadn't meant to sound insensitive, she just didn't want Christian making a big fuss if it was over nothing,she didn't want Christian worrying either

"What kind of nosebleed..Lauren used to have nosebleeds when she was stressed.." Tanya started, and Christian sighed again and lowered his head..they just didn't get it

"Don't worry yourself ladies" Christian said, airily, kissing them both on the cheek and dashing out the cafe

"You forgot..the coffee" Jane had whipped around, but Christian was already gone

* * *

><p>Christian ran out into the street and bumped into Syed<p>

"Sy, your meant to be in bed!" Christian looked at him, taking him in

"Christian, im fine, like I was 2 days ago" Syed tipped Christians chin up as he looked down and stroked it softly

"Clarkey..don't worry over something as silly as a nosebleed..im fine" Syed smiled, wincing a little as his daily headache kicked in, but he tried with all of his strength not to show it

"Sorry..you know I worry" Christian sighed, ruffling Syeds hair lotifily

"And its one of the things I love about you" Syed sincerely replied, casually putting an arm around Christians waist "now let me take you back home and cook you breakfast, so your not so worked up, ey?" Syed grinned, pulling his hand, and Christian pretended to pout, but couldn't keep it up for long, and grinned and walked with him

"So, eggs or bacon" Syed grinned, as he stepped across the flat with a bounce in his step..today was all about showing Christian he was fine. He had seen Christian, not sleeping, worrying, staring at him as if he was going to break everytime he walked and now he needed to show him that everything was ok

"Eggs and bacon..and a bagel!" Christian laughed, and tapped Syeds nose, Syed chuckled softly

"Get out the kitchen and go sit down you, you distract me!" Syed laughed, pottering around the small kitchen unit in his messy style, clattering pans and pots everywhere, even though he was only making a breakfast, he knew that the more Christian heard of him being himself, the less he would worry.

Syed hummed to himself softly, trying to battle his aching head and trying to appear as if everything was ok. It was getting harder but he knew he would manage it if he settled into a routine. Whatever this was, it was a bug, and bugs passed. He knew it would pass, because Syed didn't get ill. He was physically strong. And now thanks to Christian, mentally strong. This headache was just a small blip on a long radar.

"Hows the breakfast coming along house husband?" Christian asked, with a grin and a small laugh

"Oh its going to be the best yet!" Syed replied, gazing at the back of Christians head, wondering whether he should inform him how worried he was, how his headaches were becoming more frequent, and staying for a longer period of time. But there was no point..it was a bug.

Syed carried on humming as if he was in his own world, closing his eyes at certain points to try and shake off the pinball machine that was errupting in his head. He suddenly felt a small wet patch on his shirt, and looked down to investigate, seeing a red blotch and looking up frantically. He quickly turned the kitchen machinery off, rushing into the bathroom before Christian could see a thing..he didn't know what was going on but it couldn't be a good thing.

He swung the bathroom cupboard door in front of his face, and struggled with the urge to break down as he saw again, what looked like a blood clot coming out of one nostril, some of it seemingly going down his t-shirt

"Sy, im really sorry, but I really need the toilet!" Christian had got up. He had heard Christian get up, but blocked it out. He had flushed the toilet about 2 minutes ago so there was no suspicion. He mentally prepared himself for when Christian entered, but he wasn't strong enough to muster up an excuse anymore, his head felt like it was going to burst, he had never felt such obscure pain in his life. He breathed in and put two hands on the wall, steadying himself, making sure he looked strong, but he couldn't do it anymore, his vision was blurring, his head felt like it was having the life squashed out of it, he needed someone, Christian..

Christian walked towards the bathroom

"Ok diva, you've had your time now, I might have to punish you" he laughed, with a suave wink to himself as he walked into the bathroom,and saw Syed pressing agaisnt the wall with white knuckles..immediately he panicked

"Sy, whats wrong..look at me" Christian pleaded with him, putting a weak hand onto his shoulder. Syed by now was feeling sick aswell, he didn't want Christian to witness this..but it was coming, he felt it slip sliding up this throat the way it always did..he was about to respond to Christian, but instead shakily shoved his head down the toliet, retching and vomiting for about 10 minutes, feeling Christian rubbing his back and saying things like "its ok Sy, im here, your not alone", rubbing his back in soothing circles, trying to paint a reassuring smile on his face to mask the fact that he was getting scared now.

Finally, Syed managed to show his face, which to Christian's shock, was covered in his own blood, Christians mouth took on a "O" shape as he struggled to comprehend what he was seeing. Sy said it was fine, he was fine,t hat there was no pain, but he must of foresaw something, he must know the truth. He was far from ok

"What happened?" Christian asked, looking tenderly at Syed, wanting nothing more then to mop him up, cuddle upto him in bed and protect him from anymore harm, but he needed to take action, seeing him like this..

"Nosebleed" Syed said thickly, shakily standing up and taking the arm that Christian had just offered out to him, too weak to defend himself any further, too weak to try and walk around on his own. He felt like his limbs had been gradually turned into jelly and separated from him, he felt severely useless, and very light headed, this wasn't normal, he had had all of this on separate occasions, but not all at once, he felt bombarded

"Christian whats wrong with me?" Syed asked, suddenly, in a small whisper. His defences had been taken away, now it was just a man, who had a awful headache, a face covered in blood and a habit of vomiting, he was shaking even though it was cold nor hot in temperature. But he was scared. He felt vunerable. Like everything had been stripped and now it was just him and Christian in the room. He could never lie to Christian

He didn't know why, but lieing to Christian had always been the one thing he could never do. He could never look Christian in the eyes in earlier years, when he was telling him that him and Amira were happy, and this was because he was too scared to look into those gorgeous green orbs that emitted so much beauty and trust, because he knew that Christian as a person also radiated honesty, he knew Christian would tell him how wrong he was, he knew how Syed was feeling all of the time, and he was never afraid to say. After this statement, his overwhelming love for Christian made Syed fling his hands out a bit, looking slightly crazy, but he found what he needed. He had slotted a small hand into Christians gentle one, something positive.

"Sy I don't know, but you need to see someone..let me get you in bed, maybe I can get someone round.." Christian was talking quickly and sensibly, pressing a hand to Syed's head "oh my god babe your burning" he commented, locking his arms around Syeds body, which was not showing many signs of wanting to move, as Christian carefully got him out the bathroom, walking backwards and making sure Syed was coming forwards with him, he just needed to get him into bed, then he would get a doctor or at least someone medically trained. Yusef if he had to

"Christian.." Syed started..he didn't know what this feeling was, this was new to him..everything felt blurry, closed off from him. He couldn't see anything in front of him, he felt stilted, trapped, everything in his head was black, he could only hear the sounds of his lovers quick breathes, thats what told him that he was still here, still alive. His head was about to reach a bursting point, it felt like something was trapped in there, something that was climaxing now, something that was bursting agaisn't his head with such vigor that he was going to have to give in..

"Yeah?" Christian asked, looked at his eyes, but seeing them close almost immediately, the spark of the magic brown eyes lost, they were gone

"I-" he started, but his weight suddenly dropped fully into Christians arms, and dragged on the floor, Christian knew what had just gone on..

"Sy, stay with me.." Christian slapped Syed's cheeks, unable to accept what he had just seen. His boyfriend, his life partner had literally just collapsed in his arms. And there wasn't anything he could do..


	5. Im ok

Thanks for the reviews guys, keep them coming! And thank you for everyone whos added my story to their alerts or even put it as one of their favourites, everytime I get a email I get very keen

BTW..

Just

to

say

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG TONIGHTS EPISODE (27/5/11) 

Im typing this story because I cant speak yet because I keep collapsing in happy tears or what not or making squealy sounds AHHHHHH

Anyway, continuing now..to the depressing fiction I am writing..Love you all, keep commenting, reviewing, etc, IT LITERALLY MAKES MY DAY! (and I need something to tide me over the weekend until MONDAY...(double bracket whos seen the preview OK IM CONCENTRATING NOW) )

* * *

><p>Christian waited outside the doctors office, nerves pulsating inside him. He had wanted to go in, but Syed had stopped him, saying he wanted to do this alone.<p>

He had tried reading the out of date magazines and feigning interest, he had tried twiddling his thumbs, texting Roxy or Jane, but he couldn't not be distracted. He was the only person that knew, ever since the collapse had taken place a week ago. With the bank holidays, it had been hard to get a doctors appointment, and Syed had flat out refused the hospital, saying he didn't like them and he wasn't going to go there unless he completely had to..he couldn't believe that fateful collapse had been a week ago

_"Oh my god, Syed, ok, im going to ring a ambulance" Christian shouted through the lump in his throat, and he carried Syed's limp but breathing form over to the sofa, and stroked his hair out of his eyes. He was so panicked, he didn't know what to do for the best, what if he was overreacting, or what if he hadn't done enough, or what if it was too late? What if he was overthinking things, or what if he kept doing what he was doing now, and he was wasting time thinking when he could be calling.._

_"Ambulance" Christian again said, to himself_

_"Its ok Christian.." sounded a small, weak voice from the sofa, breaking any thought trail that was threatening to break through_

_"Sy!" Christian shouted, and headed over quickly, relieved_

_"Woah lower the volume Clarkey" Syed tried to tease, his voice errupting in a low croak_

_"What happened?" he asked, more calmly, trying to push himself up_

_"You just fainted" Christian said, with a shudder at the thought of fainting_

_"Oh" Syed simply said, then covered his tracks immediately "you haven't told anyone have you?" he asked, gently taking a small hold of Christians hand_

_"I was about to call the ambulance Syed" Christian said, squeezing his hand tightly_

_"Christian I don't need a ambulance" Syed calmly replied_

_"Sy, you threw up, you have blood dripping down your face, and you collapsed, you need to be seen, and now" Christian said, standing up and getting his coat_

_Something went off in Syeds head_

_"Wait! Christian!" He sounded, and Christian turned around and looked at the pleading shine of his eyes_

_"I'll go to the doctors in the morning ok..I just don't want to spend hours in a hospital covered in blood and my own sick..I just want to sleep" Syed aid, and Christian practically ran back to him_

_"Are you sure you don't feel faint again?" he asked, covering both of Syed's hands with his own_

_"No, I don't" Syed said_

_Christian quickly grabbed and wetted a flannel from the bathroom, and sat on the end of the sofa, tenderly starting to remove the blood and sick that remained around his face, and trying to soothe him_

_"You promise you'll go first thing in the morning Sy?" Christian asked, wrapping his dressing gown around him delicately_

_"Yes..I will" Syed said, trying to weakly pull Christian onto the sofa, it was a unspoken thing between them, their bond. Whenever one of them needed comforting, no words were needed. Just a look, a gentle tug, a wordless exchange. Christian knew Syed was just trying to be brave_

_He plopped onto the sofa, and pulled Syed into his arms, kissing the top of his trembling form_

_"Whatever it is we face it together" Christian slowly said, pressing a kiss onto the top of his forehead, as Syed gripped Christian's arms around him_

_"Its probably just a severe migraine..my dad used to get them.." Syed decided, nuzzling upto Christian in a desperate bid to feel warm, which didn't go unoticed by Christian, who immediately dug the throw out from under him and covered them both_

_"Are you sure?" Christian asked, and watched as Syed, in response nodded_

_"Would I ever lie to you" Syed gave him a cheeky smile, turning in his arms slightly_

_"You mean; Could you ever lie to me?" Christian interrupted, with a laugh, as he started to stroke Syed's arms, praying that his health would be in tact._

* * *

><p>Syed finally came out of the office<p>

"So?" Christian asked, tossing the useless dated magazine to one side and taking in the stance of his counterpart

"Migranes..severe migraines" Syed said, a pregnant pause inbetween the two words

"Right..so do we need to drive to the chemist?" Christian asked, and Syed bowed his head and showed Christian some pills in his bag

"I get these for free" He said, with a cheeky laugh

"I feel way better Christian, lets go home" he said, with a devilish glint in his eye

"Oh you.." Christian started, but was cut off from a kiss, which started off slow and tender, but almost instantly became lustful, fiery,passionate

"Lets go home" Syed repeated, giving him a suave wink, and grabbing his hand

"Your sure?" Christian asked again, and Syed cupped his cheek, Christian feeling the intimacy between them

"I love you for worrying, but you don't need to, you heard, the doctors said it would be fine if I took these" Syed simply smiled, and hooked his hand around Christians waist, reeling him in

"Come on" He smiled, and they walked towards the flat in a close hurry

* * *

><p>Later on, the two men were sleeping in the bed, and Syed was relieved that Christian had finally fallen into a comfortable worryless sleep<p>

"I love you" Syed whispered into the older mans ear, his warm breath tickling Christian and making his unconscious form smile

"Its all over" Syed mused quietly, taking one of the suggested pills that his GP had given him

It would be ok, he had medication..but didn't some other people say that when it wasn't the whole truth?


	6. 2 weeks later and a new problem

OMG MONDAYS EPISODE (this seems to be how every authors note of mine starts) but SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE must of already rewatched it about 50+ times and I only saw it this morning!

Moving on, thank you to all the reviewers and the continued support of the story alert people, keep reviewing guys!

* * *

><p>2 weeks later, and Syed was working at the salon. He had told nobody about his collapse, or anything since it happened. He told Christian not to tell anyone, even though he had the slight suspicion that Roxy and Jane would be informed somewhere across the line. He didn't mind really, it was more that he hated fuss, and he didn't want people flitting around him, watching him as if he was some damaged doll. But it was ok now, the pills were there.<p>

Syed frowned as he looked at the new set of pills. Something wasn't properly right, the pills..of course, sometimes they did work, they made his head feel alot better, but other times, it only extended the constant banging in his head, and made it worse. Not that he told Christian.

He gave Tanya a smile as she looked over at him

"No customers again" she laughed, and Syed rolled his eyes

"Roxy knows the trick of the trade, clearly" he joked back, although he knew ever since Tanya was made day manager, business was better

"Better then going home at the moment" Tanya said, with a mirroring eye roll to his

"Is everything ok?" Syed asked, delicately, just incase she didn't feel the need to talk

"Lauren, shes a right moody little cow lately.." Tanya declared "Sorry, that sounds awful, but its all slamming doors, fighting with Abi, talking about Max.." Tanya moaned, and Syed smiled fondly

"Families drive you mad but you cant live without them" he smiled "well, Christians my family now" he corrected himself, frowning at memories of his parents lately. Everytime they made a little bit of progress, it would be one step forward and two back.

"Aww" Tanya simply remarked, and Syed laughed

"Glass of water for a busy woman?" Syed asked, Tanya nudged him with a laugh and a "pahh, busy!" expression, as Syed set off

* * *

><p>"Christian, whatevers on your mind, get it off" Jane said, they were face to face in the cafe again, and Jane was telling a story about Ian<p>

"Nothings wrong" Christian said, painting a cheesy grin, but Jane wasn't buying it

"I told you a whole story about Ian without you yawning or saying you want to threaten him..and on the odd occasion, you smile or laugh Christian!" Jane reminded him, bulging her eyes out a little in a mock expression

"Thats what I was like..all in the clouds.." Jane started, and Christian waved her off

"Its not some silly laboured daydream Jane" Christian admitted, awkwardly playing with his thumbs. He tried not to worry about Syed, but everytime he shut his eyes, he felt him collapse in his arm, he saw him vomiting, a pool of blood running down one side of his nose. Him gripping the wall until his knuckles were white, him pretending he was ok..

"Whats wrong?" Jane asked, again, placing her hands on top of Christians, who had started to shake. Syed told him not to tell anyone, but this was his sister, surely he could have that one person to confide in..

"Its Sy..." Christian started, this sentence accompanied by a sigh..he wouldn't usually of said it so easily, but he felt so beat down and vulnerable. Unbeknown to Syed, he had been watching him sleep every night, checking everything by day, keeping note of any nosebleeds, which seemed to still be regular. He watched his facial expressions, trying to see if the headaches were being cured..

"Christian, he had one nosebleed a couple of weeks ago, he will be fine" Jane said with a laugh

"No Jane, its worse then that" Christian intervened, he wanted her to know the full extent, maybe she could help

"How?" Jane asked, leaning forward and gripping his hand

"2 weeks ago, he came home, he cooked me dinner.." Christian said, ignoring Janes small smile and carrying on, he needed to do this to recognise his own fear "he went to the bathroom, he took ages, so I followed because I needed the bathroom. Then when I saw him, he was gripping at the wall.." Christian continued, trying to be strong and supress a sniff

Jane nodded at him, knowing there must be more to the story

"So I asked him what was wrong, because he had said he was fine. Then, he started vomiting..ive never seen anything like it Jane, it was for about 10, 20 minutes..then, he looked up and started having a major nosebleed..then.." Christians voice started to quaver a little, recounting this story was almost as bad as reliving it..Jane squeezed his hand

"He fainted Jane, he collapsed in my arms" Christian confided, taking a long swig of his coffee while watching Jane process the information

"Is there anything else?" Jane asked, shocked at how lightly she had taken this, how frustrated he must of been..

"The other night he was almost in a trance..that night when I carried him from the salon asleep; he woke up, he started freaking out, he said he had to go out, started rummaging everywhere for his jacket but he was wearing it..then thats when he had the first big nosebleed.." Christian admitted, brushing a hand across his forehead, relieved to be letting this out

"Tell me hes been to a doctor Christian" Jane suddenly said

"Yes, of course" was the muffled reply, as Christian cradled his cup and tried to radiate the warmth of it in his scared expression

"What did the doctor say?" Jane asked, watching her brothers fearful eyes

"He said it was a migrane, a series of migranes..he got pills" Christian said, trying to drum the knowledge into his head

"Well there you go!" Jane smiled, encouragingly

"But Jane, I was looking up migraines on the internet,they don't involve constant nosebleeds, or vomiting" Christian said, plopping a hand lightly down to the table and raising another

"Don't believe everything you read on the internet" Jane smiled sweetly

"Have you heard of a migraine like that?" Christian shot back, quickly

"Well no, but im not a doctor Christian..if hes ok, hes ok" Jane replied

"But im not sure he is..of course he is in front of me, but I see him, clutching his head, squeezing his eyes so tightly, just like everything might stop.." Christian mused

"He'll be getting used to medication, medication takes a while to settle with the illness" Jane reasoned again, and Christian held his shaking fist, making sure he didn't slam it onto the table in frustration

"Its not like that Janey, this has been going on for weeks now, hes had the medication for two.." Christian said, he knew there had to be another story, this couldn't be a migrane

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Jane wistfully asked, watching her brothers expression with a grimace

"No,no its fine..im just gonna go home and sort out the flat" Christian smiled, then offered his arm "wanna come? Sy finishes in 40 minutes, you can help me clean" he grinned

"Only Ian Beales wife would find that offer exciting" Jane said, laughing and taking his arm, she could take his mind off of things

* * *

><p>Syed and Tanya had glasses of water, and were looking at the clock with a bored expression<p>

"We need customers" Tanya declared

"I am in full agreement" Syed replied, which was met with a laugh by Tanya, before he started to squeeze his eyes shut again, the headache was taking over his head..but not like this before. He felt like he coud hardly see

"Sy?" Tanya asked..she had obviously finished talking about something, but Syed was trying to ward off his headache, but failing. He had just managed to shakily dry swallow 2 of the migraine pills, he was praying that it was going to work soon, because he could not keep up the pretence of being "absolutely fine" when he was clearly not

"Yeah?" he replied, sounded suppressed, shaky

"Whats wrong?" Tanya asked, gently, the way that she would ask one of her children when they were hiding something

"Its just this stupid headache.." Syed said, in a frustration, gripping his head and sliding onto a chair, looking upto Tanya with tear-filled, big brown eyes

"I think we need to get you checked out, you've been suffering from these for ages.." Tanya said, taking his arm, but Syed looked into the distance, then into Tanyas eyes

"I got it checked out, its a migraine..but I don't know what to do Tan, the medication wont work, Im so confused and lost all the time" Syed spat, feeling a little bit bitter, why was he the one who was ill, why was it that once he had reached a happy place in his life,things started to go wrong

He got up, and gripped at Tanyas arms like a scared little boy

"Sometimes I wake up and I don't even know my own name...I throw up more food then I eat and half my blood is coming out through my nose and sometimes I just feel so angry that I feel violent, but im not violent Tan.." Syed carried on, watching her blue eyes turn wide and grip his arms back, trying to reassure him

"Come on Sy, we just need to get you to a hospital or something, they've obviously given you the wrong stuff babe" Tanya continued, stroking his arm softly, trying to help

Syed squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the heat of the headache getting at his head, almost pulling him down to the ground..then he felt it, the nosebleed was coming, it was like a hurricane to his face

"Syed!" Tanya gasped, watching the blood pouring down his face

"I cant see" mumbled Syed, in some sort of defeat, suddenly screaming out in unwelcome pain and collapsing to the floor, clutching his head, banging it, trying to make it stop, Tanya turned to see if she could phone someone to help, and then she screamed herself as she saw Syed's eyes roll into the back of his head, he collapsed on the floor and began fitting, violently, blood continuing to pour out of his nose

Tanya knelt beside him softly

"Come on Syed, its me, Tanya, ive got you.." Tanya said, in a whispered voice, stroking his arms, terrified of leaving him.

Syeds fitting finally subsided, and he sat up, almost as if it was a new day and he had just been sleeping

"Whats going on?" he asked, his brown eyes returning to the back of his head, and to Tanya..he looked around, he was in the salon..he was meant to be home an hour ago, Christian was going to worry..

"You just had a fit Syed, im gonna call Christian we need to get you to the hospital" Tanya said, as if she was taking charge, and quickly walked over to her bag to get her phone

"Tan" Syed croaked, hopeful that she would listen

"What?" she asked, immediately walking back over

"Don't tell Christian..I don't want him worrying..hes worried enough as it is, I cant hurt him again" Syed said..he knew that he was in a committed relationship and he should be telling Christian, but it didn't feel fair. He wanted Christian to be happy and without worrys, not hurting over whatever virus may of subordinated his head. Her still felt for the time that Christian had got beaten, Christian had lived Syed's lie with him and Syed never forgot that

"Are you mad?" Tanya asked, but then she looked at his expression. It was deadly serious

"At least don't tell him until we know whats wrong..i'll go to the hospital after my shift tomorrow I just..want to sleep" Syed said, feeling weak

"Syed I really don't advise this.." Tanya said, shaking her head slightly, but knowing that it wasn't her place

"Im just going to go home, be with Christian..be me. I want to be normal" Syed said, sounding like a scared little boy again, hugging his knees to his chest briefly before getting up

"Ok" Tanya said, knowing that he would not budge "tell me how everything is going. And go during your shift tomorrow, I'll get Jodie to cover" Tanya said, again taking some element of control

"Ok" Syed agreed, and stood up

"Do you need me to walk you?" Tanya asked, worried

"No, no, Tan its fine..im-im sorry you had to see that" Syed said, referring back to the fitting in his head. He didn't remember it though..

* * *

><p>"Its been an hour and a half.." Christian said, looking at the clock<p>

"Christian, relax, this is not like you; you know what him and Tan are like, probably gossiping or something.." Jane said, even though it didn't sound quite right in her head either

Jane suddenly nodded with a smile as she heard the twist of a key in the lock, and Syed appeared with a small tired smile, looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders..he looked tired, really tired. He was pale..

"Where have you been?" Christian asked, with a cheeky "im not really worried" fake grin plastered on his face

"Loads of mess today" Syed softly said, his voice sounded a little croaked

"Someone just wants to go to bed don't they" Christian teased slightly, watching Jane, who for the first time, seemed to get what he was saying. Syed looked more frail then usual, thin, pale, tired, exhausted almost. But working at the salon was never that tiring for Tanya..

"Yeah..im sorry for being a bore" Syed apologetically smiled, and Jane nodded at him

"Im tired too..im gonna leave you two to it.." Jane smiled, giving Christian a "I know what you mean now" nod, which he returned, and after hearing the door click, he reached out to Syed

"Come here" He smiled, holding his hand out, which Syed gripped, and immediately became relaxed in Christians strong, soothing embrace. Christian frowned over Syed's shoulder as he almost sniffled agaisn't him, but Christian just carried on stroking his back. Whatever was going on, he was there. He was there when he shuffled Syeds barely-concious lightly sleeping form to the sofa, putting a blanket over them and stroking his soft black hair out of his eyes, as he softly slept, looking peaceful.


	7. One step to accept

Thanks for the reviews guys, lets get more coming for this er..very long chapter (well in comparison to the others) LOVE YOU ALL &THANK YOU XXX

* * *

><p><strong><em>Be my friend;<em>**

**_Hold me..Wrap me up_**

**_Unfold me, I am small_**

**_Breathe Me _**

Syed woke up the next morning with a heavy head, and quickly rolled over and put his hand on..wait..

He opened his eyes and was startled not to see Christian there, then he heard the gentle "tap-tapping" noise that the shower made. He suddenly heard it stop and smiled to himself

"Christiiaaaan" he moaned softly, and smiled as he heard Christians footsteps grow louder, towards him, towel drying his hair

"You alright babe?" Christian asked, looking into his eyes, Christians own eyes had a fresh green glint to them

"Yeaah" Syed smiled "come back to bed" he remarked, reaching his arms out limply

"Haven't you got work soon?" Christian asked him, raising his eyebrows

"Day off, no clients" Syed replied with a small grin

"Well then" Christian laughed, and watched Syeds face. All Syed wanted today, was a day in with his boyfriend, a relaxed day, just the two of them, in their four walls, the place where everything looked to be ok, everything seemed safe, he wanted to feel normal for a while, not the boy afraid with the big nasty illness. He didn't even know what it was, but did he want to? He saw it all the time on TV programmes and dramas that Christian made him sit through, people getting ill, then seeing what was wrong, and it was always the worst case scenario

"Come back to bed and have a cuddle" Syed smiled sheepishly, with a embarrassed whimper in his voice, he needed Christian

Christian smiled at him and got back into the bed, opening his arms and inviting Syed into his warm embrace. Syed sighed contently and placed his smaller arm around Christians waist, resting his head on his chest with another happy sigh

"I like it here" Syed mumbled, shuffling closer as Christian started to stroke his hair

"I like it here too" Christian replied, kissing the top of Syeds head, then Syed moved to capture his lips in a soft kiss, captivating him

"And I love you" Syed said, with a boyish grin, cupping one of Christians cheeks with his own hand and wrapping the other around his neck, giving him another kiss, this one was more intense, more deep, it reminded Christian of the way Syed used to be, the way he pleaded with him for closeness, for comfort, there was definitely something wrong.

The way Syeds eyes had shut as he had got closer to Christian, as if he was blocking something out completely. Christian wrapped two strong arms around his back, and kissed him passionately, with every bit of comfort and love that he could..

Syed pulled away, breathlessly "Thats just what I needed" Syed smiled, pressing a firm kiss to Christians forehead and cuddling close again, pulling the blanket around them and showering Christians face in smaller kisses, as if he was apologizing for something.

The thought of this only made Christian pull Syed closer, and Syeds arms searched for further contact as he weaved his head into the crook of Christians neck, relaxing as Christian begun his usual routine of stroking his hair in that soothing, calm manner

Christian stroked Syeds back, humming to himself in complete content. He did frown slightly when he did this though, he hadn't really noticed before, but Syed had lost a great deal of weight, he stroked down his back and could practically find the outline of his ribcage..he stifled his frown and faced Syed as Syed used his hand to turn his face towards him again, inviting him to get lost into those big brown pools of beauty

"I could stay like this forever" he said, his dark eyelashes fluttering

"I could too, believe me" Christian replied, stroking his arms again..

* * *

><p>Roxy walked into the Salon, she just wanted to check if she was getting any customers. Tanya and Syed had both been so cocky about taking over, so she wanted to check on things<p>

Tanya sighed as she saw the light-blonde girl enter the room, her and Roxy had never been best mates, and probably never would be, they just clashed

"How are we for customers?" Roxy asked, sitting in the seat opposite Tanya's, and being completely oblivious to Tanya's sigh

"Not too bad, its always a bit quiet around lunchtime" Tanya replied, sipping her water, and sliding her phone into her pocket. Roxy looked around again

"Syed around? I have a Christian related dilemma" Roxy asked, watching Tanya glance around

"Nope, I actually gave him the day off" Tanya said, starting to file her nails, hoping Roxy would get the hint and not probe anymore

"Why? Thats my decision" Roxy probed, and Jane walked in

"Everything alright ladies?" Jane asked, not feeling any tension. She had just walked into get her nails done..she had Ians money, why not..

"Tanya..why did you give Syed the day off?" Roxy asked,ignoring Janes presence, as she stepped closer and also watched, and Tanya sighed

"He had nobody booked and he fell ill yesterday, theres no point having him around to clean" Tanya said, continuing to file her nails. Jane frowned

"Yesterday?" Jane asked, running a hand through her hair and thinking back to the time at that flat yesterday, when he had walked in..

"Yeah" Tanya said, and Roxy frowned aswell, she needed to ask him about Christians birthday, but she didn't want to get ill...and Christian was probably looking after him

"Is it just like a 24 hour thing then?" Roxy asked, watching Tanya's expression carefully. If there was one thing she could do it was to read people

"I don't know ok, I just know that he really wasn't right yesterday so he needs some time" Tanya said, being careful about her choice of words. She knew if Syed didn't want Christian knowing, then Roxy was the worst choice of confidant.

"Alright then" Roxy sighed, she didn't need to be a staff member down, especially in the current climate. She checked her phone and went out, waving at the ladies

"Tanya, whats going on?" Jane asked..she knew something was going on, and she had a talent for getting things out of people. She was of course one of the first people to know about Christian and Syed's affair

"Hes ill Jane" Tanya said, sadly, and Jane looked confused

"What do you mean ill? I was in the flat last night and he came back looking tired, but that was about it" Jane said, knowing that there must of been more

"He had a fit Jane" Tanya said, and Janes eyes widened

"A fit?" Jane asked, looking scared all of a sudden

"One minute he was fine, then the next minute he was rushing his speaking, stumbling over words, getting headaches, nosebleeds, then he just collapsed"

"And then he just went home?" Jane asked, covering her mouth, no wonder he looked so tired

"Yeah, I tried to get him to go to the hospital Jane, but he wouldn't go" Tanya said, and Jane frowned

"What about Christian does he know about this?" Jane asked, worrying for her brother, he had been so worried for his lover, and now Jane realised that he had perfect reason

"He doesn't want to hurt him..or worry him, well thats what he said to me" Tanya said, and watched Janes face form a symphathetic smile

"Hes protecting him because he thinks hes hurt him too much.." Jane bit her lip slightly,

"He needs to get checked out though" Tanya confirmed, and Jane stretched her hand out, ready to have her nails painted, as the two women mindlessly gossiped, and thought about what to do

* * *

><p>Syed had managed to fall into a light slumber, curled up warmly with Christian, the way that he loved it<p>

"You look so gorgeous when you sleep" Christian smiled, kissing the top of his forehead, and unravelling himself as the door went. He slipped his dressing gown on as he smiled at Syeds outfit of a baggy t-shirt and boxers, and answered the door quietly

"Janey, hello!" Christian grinned, leaning and giving his older sister a hug

"Hello mr muscle!" Jane laughed, and walked into the flat, settling on the sofa with Christian

"That ones got himself a day off work" Christian laughed, jerking his head in the direction of Syed, who was now lightly snoring, cuddled upto Christians pillow, as if it was Christian himself

"It looks well needed" Jane said, with a polite laugh, wondering if Syed had told Christian anything

Christian laughed aswell "Your telling me...im gonna make him work out with me too, beef up..all the stress is making him loose bags of weight!" he tried to mask over his worry again, but Jane could see it as clear as day. He could hide nothing from Jane, even if he tried, it never happened, even since they were small kids, apart from the brief years apart, they had been close-knit

"Your still worried aren't you?" Jane asked, holding his hand lightly

"Of course I am..Jane, look at him hes still gorgeous, but does he look well to you?" Christian asked quietly, and Jane shook her head sadly, and watched as the younger man was taken out of his daze with a buzzing on his phone

"Hello?" Syed answered, and looked a little worried as he heard the voice on the other end

"Yup, im going now..thank you..bye.." he said, briefly, and as if he was trying to hide things, he slid his phone into his jeans and hopped into the bathroom with a swift "Hi Jane"

Christian smiled after him, as he quickly reappeared

"Ive gotta go and get some stock for Tanya, couple of hours tops" Syed said, bending down to kiss Christians cheek and rub his shoulders "thank you for this morning" he grinned, and Christian smiled at him "no problem..see you later"

"Bye Jane" Syed smiled softly, disappearing out of the door

"What did you do this morning?" Jane enquired..she knew she was nosey, and Christian knew it too, and laughed

"I gave him a cuddle" he laughed "cup of tea?" he asked

"Make it wine" Jane declared, and Christian laughed and jumped up

* * *

><p>Syed was now in a hospital doctors office, feeling very alone, very stupid, and very intimidated by all of the medical posters around him, each outlining different diseases, different illness', different threats. He wouldn't of normally got in so quickly, but the added help of one of his nosebleeds seemed to be like the golden ticket<p>

"So, you've been prescribed these migrane tablets?" the doctor asked, pointing at the container that Syed had given him

"Yup" Syed answered, slightly awkwardly

"And they aren't working?" the doctor asked again, and Syed continued to nod

"Are you experiencing any other symptoms? Apart from the severe headaches of course?" The doctor asked again, watching Syed with great intent

"Uh..well" Syed started, he didn't want to feel moany, then something snapped inside his head. He owed this to people..to get checked out "I get nosebleeds, I vomit quite alot..uuh..Ive passed out once" he continued

"Anything else?" the doctor asked, he could sense quite clearly that there was more to it then these symptoms, but he was holding back

"I don't know what comes over me but I snap..I get angry, I get violent..and im not that kind of person" Syed started, looking a bit confused as he got a brief flashback in his head "I had a fit last night..thats what caused me to come here" Syed revealed, clenching his fists tightly in his chair, as the doctor noted these things down with a interested look

"You've done the right thing coming here..it certainly is alot more then a severe migrane" the doctor said, stepping up.

"Give me a moment, and I'll arrange for you to have some scans, just a few quick ones, im interested into looking further into your head problems before anything else" the doctor kindly stated, before adding "is there anyone you want to call to be here?"

Syed briefly thought of Christian, sitting at home, probably wondering where he had got to. He was so desperate to call him, to feel him holding his hand..he wanted him here, but was that selfish?

Syed sighed and called Tanya, she was the only other person who knew anything...

* * *

><p>Tanya knocked on the door of Christian and Syeds flat..she felt sneaky, but she knew it had to be done. She knew Syed wanted Christian, but was too scared to drop any kind of bombshell on him<p>

Jane opened the door with a laugh "Hey you, joining the party?" Jane asked, raising her wine glass, and Tanyas smile softened as she heard Christian cackling in the background

"Actually I just came to have a word with Christian" Tanya said, and Jane stepped aside so she could come in, and sit across from Christian

"Christian I just had a call from Syed" Tanya started, watching Christian look a bit confused

"Hes doing stocktake for you right?" Christian asked, wondering why that involved Tanya being at their flat, just to tell him that..

"Hes at the hospital" Tanya said, with a quick intake of breath

"Is he ok?" Christian asked, standing up immediately

"H-he had a fit last night Christian, I told him to go to the hospital, and he has" Tanya said, watching the other mans face fall

"He didn't tell me..he didn't trust me" Christian said, frowning

"No, no, its not that..he thought he had done you enough damage and it wasn't fair or something" Tanya jumped in, and watched Christians face again, which had turned into an expression of relief, but a heavy sigh

"He always puts just about everyone before himself" Christian sighed again,

"He just called me to say he was having some scans on his head..and he sounded like he wanted you Christian..thats why im here" Tanya said, watching Christian

"Yeah, of course, where will he be?" Christian said, getting himself into action and pulling on his jacket as quickly as he could

"CT scans he said" Tanya replied quietly, and watched as Christian bolted out of the door, and hailed the nearest cab. She chuckled slightly as she saw a indignant Kim and Denise, the cab clearly belonging to them first

"You did the right thing" Jane mumbled into her pillow where she was lying

* * *

><p>Syed sat outside the CT unit, he had seen these scans on the TV..it was like a big tube. And If Tanya wasn't coming, he would be on his own. All he wanted was Christian, his strong arms wrapping around him, helping him, mumbling sweet things into his ears, and being generally Christian like, but he had completely blown that now. He wanted to turn back the clock, and share things with him, thats what he needed to do more, share things<p>

He looked at the posters outside again, he wanted to get a coffee but he knew it would be too late, although the doctor said it would probably be at least 45 minutes until the other patients ahead of him were finished. He felt so alone and alien in the hospital. He had been a patient, but it had been by force, it had been because he couldn't of not been a patient. This time, he went himself..

He hugged his knees to his chest in the corner of the room, trying to find some source of comfort, trying to feel close to something, even if it was himself, he was all he had right now. He put his head on his knees and sighed heavily, he just needed someone, where was Tanya? She said she would be straight over, she sounded worried, caring, like she was going to come in and wrap a friendly arm around him, but she wasn't here..was it a late bus, more family drama?

"Sy.." said a quiet whisper, lifting his head from his knees almost immediately. He recognised the voice, soft, sensual. He connected his eyes and did the smallest of double takes as he saw who was in front of him

"Christian" Syed said, accentuating the "tian" quietly as he usually did, his knees feeling like they were going to buckle as he stood up, speechless, and began to make his way over, but Christian walked faster

"Don't move" Christian soothed him, finally meeting him and wrapping his arms around him, just like Syed had dreamed. Christian pulled Syed onto the small futon sofa that had recently been put into the waiting room, cradling his head

"Tanya came round" he whispered, and Syed nodded and suppressed a small cry

"Im sorry" he croaked, but Christian shushed him, stroking his hair

"You were trying to protect me again,eh?" Christian said, giving Syed a small smile, which just led to Syed burying his head further into Christians jacket, feeling weak

"Yeah..in a stupid roundabout way" Syed said, putting his arms shakily around Christian's waist

"Babe you had a fit yesterday..and you just came home" Christian frowned heavily, and Syed nodded slightly

"I was disorientated, I just needed some sleep, I couldn't deal with sitting in A and E for hours after that, I felt so weak Christian..I always feel weak" he said, and Christian looked slightly relieved..he was opening up now, it would be better if he could open up

"Oh Sy.." Christian pulled the younger man closer, showering the top of his head with small kisses

"Christian im scared" Syed suddenly said, almost in a childlike tone, it almost didn't sound like him

"Whatever it is baby, we'll face it together, your not on your own anymore" Christian quietly responded, stroking his hair out of his eyes again and pressing a kiss to his forehead

"What if its bad Christian, what if its...I don't know a tumour or something?" Syed asked, suddenly realising the impact that this scan would have

"Then we'll face it babe, and we'll get the best treatment money can buy, I have money in the bank" Christian said, nodding to himself

"For your Christian, not for me" Syed mumbled softly, nuzzling his head slightly "I don't want you spending your life savings on me" Syed closed his eyes, and took a breath

"When are you gonna get it Sy? I love you, your my life partner..I don't see it as my life savings, I see it as ours, your my family" Christian sighed lovingly, stroking his face in a fond manner, as Syed looked him in the eyes

"I love you, but I don't wanna put you through whatever this is, I don't want to ask you to do that, you've sacrificed enough for me" Syed shakily said, sounding as if he was fighting back a explosion of tears, and trying to be strong. In his head, he was giving Christian the option to walk away, as he established a connection of their eyes again.

"Im never going to leave you..I love you way too much, and even if your hurt, im always going to be there, even if you kick me away yourself Sy, however bad this is, im not going anywhere" Christian whispered into his ear, and Syed relaxed back into his embrace..closing his eyes in defeat of everything that was battling its way through his mind, he was exhausted

"Syed Masood" Asked a sharp voice, and Syed opened his eyes to find another doctor..Christian squeezed his hand, mouthing "always here, your ok" with a nod, as Syed got up and went through, not taking his eyes off of his feet the whole time..he was terrified


	8. The problem revealed

THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS EVERYONE :) Keep at it!

this chapters a little..depressing..

* * *

><p>2 WEEKS LATER<p>

* * *

><p>"Christian, wanna go into town later?" Roxy asked her distracted barman, leaning on the bar from the other side, sipping a vodka and tonic with a sour expression. Things were not going well with Michael, and she needed a distraction.<p>

"I cant babe" Christian replied, almost immediately

"Ooh, whats the hot date?" Roxy asked, slightly amused, swigging her drink this time, knowing that she had nobody else as flamboyant and fun as Christian in her life

"Its..its Syeds results day, the hospital called this morning, saying they had results from all the head scans" Christian said, frowning slightly, and Roxy looked at him sympathetically.

"Hows he doing?" Roxy asked him, thinking of her best friends partner, they hadn't been the best of friends, but he didn't deserve whatever was happening to him. None of them did, they had jumped through so many hoops to be together, and it was just one thing after another..

"Hes bricking it..I think hes at the salon, didn't want to be cooped up in the flat all day thinking.." Christian said, trailing off, and trying to wave off a upcoming batch of emotion that had freshly waved over him, he had tried not to be emotional, for his sake and for Syeds. He didn't want to scare Syed into thinking it was something more serious, but what if it was? What if his false bravado made him vulnerable, what if the worst happened? All of these thoughts spent so much time running through his head, but he had always tried to wave them away

"Sorry" he said shortly, fanning his eyes "It just ive spent so much time trying to be strong for him, that when im not with him I break down, pathetic really" Christian admitted, as Roxy quickly took him away from the bar and into a seat, as he tried to laugh off his emotion and again be the strong one

"It cant be that bad babe" Roxy said calmly

"It could be a tumour or something Rox..what if I loose him?" Christian asked, looked devastated at the mere thought

"Christian don't think like that..think of everything hes done to be with you, he wont let a medical matter get in the way!" Roxy said, rubbing his back and sighing; maybe it was better to never love, then experience the heartbreak of loving..

"I know..I know" Christian said, flickering his eyelids towards the clock for the 10th time that day. Everything seemed so slow today, every 10 minutes seemed like an hour, it was agonizing.

* * *

><p>"Hey" Syed smiled, going into the salon as Tanya sat at the counter, needing a distraction from his situation<p>

"Hey Sy how you doing?" Tanya asked, leaning her elbows on the receptionists desk

"Yeah..alright" Syed smiled, a little nervously.

"You look more nervous then I did on my first wedding, whats up?" Tanya asked, with a slight giggle,

"Nothing" Syed said falsely, managing to knock something over, Tanya walked and steered him into a seat

"Before you start breaking things, tell me whats wrong" she laughed, sitting on a stool opposite him

"Ok, i'll tell you my secret?" Tanya said, and Syed looked interested

"I cheated on Greg" Tanya said, nodding, in disgust almost, at herself

"Wait what?" Syed asked, his eyes a little wide. He tried to supress a small chuckle, watching Tanya who sorrowfully nodded

"Wait..don't tell me.." Syed murmured..."max?" he suddenly asked

"How did you know?" Tanya asked, burying her head slightly

"Im the poster boy for not being able to stay away from the person you actually love.." Syed laughed slightly "I don't judge" he added, and Tanya nodded at him gratefully

"I feel like a hypocrite though Sy, im Stacey.." Tanya confided, and Syed stopped her

"Your not Stacey..you and Max will always have a connection" he started, and Tanya nodded

"But then I go home to Greg, and hes so.."

"Safe?"

"Exactly..almost like hes too safe. Like hes lovely, but I don't love him in the same way I love Max"

"Passion, electricity, fireworks" Syed commented, and Tanya nodded

"Thats exactly it yeah, yeah with me and Max, its full of drama, but its so electric..but Greg its sort of.."

"Something that seems too nicely put together to work..no proper arguments" Syed said, again reflecting upon his own life, and he saw Tanya's downtrodden face and knew it was his turn to distract her

"I have my results today" Syed said, nervously,fiddling with his hands a little as he stared downwards and Tanyas eyes widened

"Oh my god Sy, you've let me sit there going on about Max and Greg like its the most important thing and your sitting on that the whole time?" Tanya asked, watching his defenceless face

"I want to be normal Tan, I don't want to be the guy who might be ill. I just want to be ok" Syed mumbled, curling up into a small ball

"And you will be. Have faith Sy"

"That reminds me of Heather" Syed smiled a little

"Well last time Heather had faith her and Darren Miller had a child, don't think of it like that" Tanya said, trying to inject some humour into the situation, which she knew had worked when she caught his eye

"Did someone mention my Darren?" asked Jodie, bringing in some hair products and putting them on the table

"No" Tanya and Syed both rolled their eyes and laughed, as Jodie came to sit next to them..they both knew that anything would be taken off of their minds with Jodie around..

* * *

><p>"You stopped crying yet" Roxy bluntly asked, rubbing Christians back, and leaning her head on his shoulder<p>

"That was razor sharp" Christian commented

"Sorry babe, don't mean to be, but you need to be the bigman for Syed" Roxy said, emphasizing Syeds name. She watched her friend, hoping for both of them that the news wasn't too bad

"I know..im worried Rox" Christian said, exhaling a large breath and sighing

"Christian, if hes ill, hes gonna need you" Roxy whispered

"He cant be ill..it wouldn't be fair" Christian sniffed,

"Life doesn't care whats fair Christian..ive seen" Roxy said patting his back "now go get him"

* * *

><p>"So I said to Darren, thats cheaper yeah, but not exactly romantic is it..city council office.." Jodie wittered on, as Syed laughed and was glad for the distraction<p>

"No, no" Tanya smiled slightly, and saw Christian in the window

"Think thats your que" Tanya pointed, and Syed sighed heavily, and got up

"Good luck" Tanya whispered, and then suddenly lurched forward and gave him a hug "it will be fine" she said again, as Syed waved to Jodie and sniffed a little

* * *

><p>"Hey" Syed greeted Christian, who again had put on his best "strong" front<p>

"Hey you, how you doing?" Christian asked, slipping a protective hands around Syed's smaller waist as they went to cross the road

"Bit..nervous" Syed breathed in "how about you?" he asked, watching his boyfriends green eyes focus on the road, and tense slightly

"Im fine" Christian said, taking a sharp intake of breath "good day at the salon?" Christian asked, in his best chirpy voice, watching Syed's tired eyes

"Yeah it was alright..oh.." he suddenly said, running over to the nearest bin and vomiting into it. Christian ran after him and put his hand on his shoulders

"Im sorry.." Syed moaned a little, as Christian put a tissue around his soft features

"Don't be silly...this can stop now we are gonna know whats wrong, eh?" Christian said, trying his best to sound positive

* * *

><p>"Syed Masood" the doctor called, and Syed stood<p>

"Are you sure you want to go in on your own?" Christian asked, from his side, feeling helpless

"Yeah, yeah" Syed nodded...he had decided earlier he wanted to be on his own when he heard, just incase it was bad, he didn't want that dumped on Christian in such a horrible fashion

"Good luck" Christian sighed shakily, giving him a kiss on the cheek, and watching his thin boyfriend head off towards the corridor

* * *

><p>"So thats my brain right?" Syed asked, watching the images that the doctor was flicking through for him on the computer<p>

"Yes, indeed" the doctor replied, stopping at a particular shot "this is the one I wanted to show you to explain your diagnosis"

Syed looked at the shot. It looked like a normal part of his brain..he was confused. He gripped the edges of his chair as the doctor watched him, and continued

"Here" he pointed "is a growth on your brain which we believe to be the cause of the recent changes in your health" the doctor continued, and Syed closed his eyes in fear and snapped them open

"Is it a tumour?" Syed asked, trying to stop his voice from quavering

"Yes..don't panic just yet, it is a form of cancer, but it may not be as aggressive as we believe it to be, we need to run some more tests" the doctor said

"Cancer" Syed repeated, not hearing anything but that word. It couldn't..

"Its a Pituitary tumour, but yes, it is a form of Cancer" the doctor confirmed, and Syed looked horrified

"No..but..none of my family have had it, ive only started getting these headaches.." Syed looked confused, he was confused. The doctor watched him with a sympathetic glance, it was never easy telling someone they had cancer, and seeing if they accepted it or not, was even worse.

"Tumours can grow at any time Mr Masood"

"So, what do we do now?" Syed asked, shaking a little

"We do some more MRI scans, maybe some PET and CAT scans aswell, and work out what we can do to minimize the pain for you, and work out if we can operate or not" the doctor said,

"What do you mean, if you can operate?" Syed asked, catching on the word, if..if..that wasn't positive..

"If the tumour has latched onto your brain too much, it could cause a very serious case of brain damage if we operate to remove it, which could also include you loosing your memory, possibly your vision. It is a option but it isn't a path that many patients have taken before"

"Brain damage?" Syed asked, blinking. This had all imploded on him in his half an hour with the doctor. He had a tumour..cancer..cancer..they called it a "Pituitary tumour" but he knew it was cancer, the doctor had said cancer. He had seen so many cancer charities around, but he had never known anyone to experience it. He knew it was a horrible disease, he wanted there to be a cure, everyone did. But now it was happening to him. Evil in its worst form..

"Yes. Ive seen a patient recently who bravely attempted the method of operation although advised strongly against it, and hes in a rehabilitation unit learning how to speak again, and how to operate his body again. He has no idea what happened to him"

"Well that cant be a option.." Syed whispered. He didn't want to loose his grip on the world. He didn't want to loose the world. He was finally happy..

"Mr Masood, would you be available to come back tomorrow so I can book you in for these scans? I really feel that the sooner we get these done, the more options we can get" the doctor cut off his trail of thought, and Syed nodded, dumbfounded by the information. He was trying to fight off the burning sensation of tears, but he knew that wrapped in Christians embrace he would break anyway. He always did.

"Ok, so 10.30 tomorrow, and take these leaflets, maybe reading some more about your condition may help you understand it" the doctor said, frowning slightly, and suddenly switching expressions to a smile

"Mr Masood, brain tumour patients aren't always resigned to death or brain damage, this is just worst case scenarios. We just need to see the tests" he said, leaning back in his chair, and watching Syed nod and leave the room.

* * *

><p>Syed was choked up as he headed back down the corridor. How had this all happened so fast? A couple of months of headaches and suddenly he had cancer. He had thought it was a bug, everybody thought it had been a bug. He almost wanted to block it out and tell Christian it was a bug, so he could be in a happy place of denial, but he knew it wouldn't be a longterm plan. For once in his life, he needed to tackle something, and he needed to be completely honest about it.<p>

It didn't stop him feeling weak, vulnerable, like his world was collapsing. The corridor was stretching ahead of him, it was almost like he was walking down a path of nothing. He just wanted to find Christian. He breathed heavily and tried not to cry still, but he knew as soon as he spoke, everything would crumble.

"Sy?" Christian asked, coming out of the toilet and up behind him, looking at his quivering form and looking immediately worried

"Sy what is it? come on.." Christian said, steering him towards the sofa that they had sat on weeks before, watching his eyes dart around the room hopelessly

"Its bad Christian" Syed whispered, not trusting his voice, not trusting himself. He didn't even know how to word this. How did you tell the one person that was your whole world that you had a serious disease?

"How bad?" Christian asked, a bit more softly, but still with a sharpness in his voice

"Christian I..have a brain tumour..a..cancerous brain tumour" Syed replied quietly, his voice immediately wobbling as he stumbled over the words, not quite believing that this was his life that he was currently describing

"Oh my.." Christian started, his eyes widening and immediately pooling with water, shock.. but Syed shushed him

"Its going to be ok Christian..it has to be" he said, rocking back and forth on the sofa as if his life depended on it, feeling like a small child again

"Is there anything you need?" Christian said, after a couple of minutes silence, as both of the men tried to register the earth-shattering news that had been placed upon their lives

"You" Syed simply said, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to force every bad image away

"Come here" Christian said, weakly, and wrapped his strong arms around Syed, keeping back a small sob as he felt Syeds arms pull him close, as he buried his head into Christians chest and crumbled completely, Christian finally felt his resolve break as the word "Cancer" echoed around his head, and he looked down at the man buried in his chest, crying his heart out..this was bad.


	9. Love hurts

Thanks for the feedback everyone! Dedicated to the lovely Chryedians on digital spy who I have just joined! (Whoyouarexo ;D) XXX

* * *

><p>It had been 3 hours. They had sat in the waiting room, watching various people get up and go into the room, and leave again. Syed was clinging onto Christian with every once of strength he possessed, feeling the warmth of his embrace, burying his head into Christian's chest. Feeling those strong arms comforting him, so he could believe. he felt Christian rubbing his back everytime he emitted a sob.<p>

Christian had eventually shakily guided Syed towards a taxi, instead of the bus. This was not the occasion to get the bus home. That had been what Christian had muttered. He did not once shoot a glance at the driver, he both just wanted to be in the safe walls of their flat, together, maybe they could block things out. Or maybe Christian needed to think. What if Christian just wanted to get on with life..was he expecting too much of him? After all he had but Christian through already, was he really going to put him through Cancer aswell? The illness was bad enough without the diseased label of Cancer, but now it had worsened.

Syed could sense that Christian was blocking his feelings. Probably trying to protect him, thinking that he had enough going on. That was Christian all over, they protected eachother. That was sometimes the source of their arguments. They didn't express their feelings as readily as they should. But he knew someone Christian could talk to. Not his favourite person, but a fundamentally good friend to Christian. Someone he respected for that.

"Talk to Roxy" Syed had said, upon getting into the flat and collapsing onto the bed in exhaustion.

He was physically exhausted, but today was different, he was mentally exhausted as well. Everything he had been told had just been pummelled into him, he just wanted to sleep. He knew that Christian was blocking things out, he also knew that maybe Roxy could help him out, help him where Syed couldn't

"Sy im not leaving you" Christian calmly said, sitting on the side of the bed, watching Syed climb in almost immediately

"Im only going to be sleeping..just give yourself some time to..adjust" Syed said, kindly, and Christian squeezed his hand, knowing that that was Syed's way of saying he needed a little space to adjust himself

"Yes sir" Christian returned Syed's shaky smile, before kissing his head, and waiting for him to drop off to sleep.

Syed was still thinking though. He wanted to give Christian time to think. He wanted Christian to think about what he was dragging himself into. The fact that he was resigned to being the guy with the sick boyfriend. He wanted Christian to consider what he wanted. What if he didn't want to be with him anymore?

Syeds heart felt heavy at just the thought. But he wanted Christian to have options. He shut his eyes and got engulfed into a world of darkness. A world of darkness filled with dreams, where he didn't have to envision dieing.

* * *

><p>Christian walked around the square. It was strange to him, hours ago he had been scared of the news, and now he had been given earth-shattering news, and nothing had changed around him. The gossips chortled at the latest story, Billy Mitchell sat on his stall selling his fruit, everybody was going on as normal. He felt as if he was in a standstill, or maybe it was a film. He felt lost, he just wanted someone to come and shake him, someone to tell him it would be ok.<p>

He walked into the pub, his eyes set on the ground. He didn't want to see anyone, he didn't have to have a false conversation, or answer the question "how are you, how have you been?". Something that used to be so simple to answer. He used to always be fine. More then fine. Sometimes deliriously happy. But now he felt on edge.

* * *

><p>"Alright Christian?" Alfie asked, his 100 watt grin practically bouncing off the lights, everything was normal in the Vic aswell. Darren Miller and Max Branning sitting with pints and matching grins, Jodie picking some lame song on the jukebox, Kat giggling down the phone to Stacey. Everything was normal. Normal as it was in Eastenders. Everything had been mundane and normal for a while now, no huge source of gossip. Christian felt a lurch in his stomach. Was Syed going to be the next item of gossip that the vultures picked on? The gay muslim with cancer? Mo Harris would have a field day.<p>

"Yeah thanks" Christian nodded,he had gone through a series of answers in his head, deciding that he would lie and say he was fine. Today was not the day for sharing.

Alfie gave him a knowing grin..he thought he was in the doghouse or something clearly.

The stress etched on Christians face to Alfie, was something far less serious. Maybe something domestic, maybe a infidelity problem?. Before Alfie had a chance to begin probing, Christian found Roxy and sat at the edge of the bar, calling her softly, willing her to turn around from Ryan, who she was serving.

"Rox.." was the silent whisper, the plead. He just wanted her to turn around and notice him.

"Christian!" Roxy exclaimed, causing Christian to smile at her un-subtle mannerisms. She was the only one bar Syed who could make him smile at a time like this.

"Whats wrong?" she asked immediately, then her face dropped. How could she be so stupid, they were talking about it earlier. The hospital!

"Lets go upstairs" Roxy pointed, and raised a kick at Alfie, telling him that she needed to go upstairs. Alfie took one look at Christian and nodded. Great. Now by dinner-time, half of Albert Square would believe that Christian had been dumped, what with Alfie witnessing that facial expression and the fact that Alfie with a couple of beers down him was serving at the bar.

* * *

><p>"How was it?" Roxy asked, awkwardly perching on the edge of the sofa that Christian had sunk into, his head in one hand, his voice determined not to crack, not quaver. He needed to be strong. But that was the reason he was with Roxy. He didn't need to be strong, for just a half hour. He could let it out<p>

"It was bad" Christian said, with a small sniff. He felt Roxy reach out and grab both of his hands, inviting him to talk again, to confide in her

"How bad Chris?" she asked, in the soft tone of voice she usually saved for her sister, Ronnie, when she was in a crisis

"It's a brain tumour Rox…cancer" Christian sniffed, putting his head onto hers for support, sniffing even more tears back as he felt Roxy shudder and gasp. That was the effect the word Cancer had. The shudder, the sigh, the wide eyed stare. He looked up and saw the effect on Roxy, who looked immediately speechless

"Im so sorry" Roxy said, covering her mouth with one hand. She expected maybe some sort of infection. Maybe migraines. Not cancer, that was too big, that was too real. This wasn't the world that her and Christian lived in. years ago her and Christian didn't even know how to love. And now it had come to this. Cancer. The one person that was Christians whole world, and he had a illness. A serious one.

"I cant believe this is real" Christian sounded, quietly, as he leaned his head on Roxy's shoulder

"How did Sy take it?" Roxy asked, watching Christian's eyes visibly water more at the sound of his boyfriends name

"I don't think its sunk in yet" Christian said, choking back another set of tears "it hasn't even sunk in for me. Months ago everything was normal. Now Syed has cancer" Christian cried out

"They've found loads of cures these days.." Roxy started, but Christian waved her off. She was trying to be sweet, and he would of said the same to anyone in the situation, but it felt too real to hear right now. Cancer. Cures. Disease. Operation.

"It's a brain tumour Rox..I know how these things work, if you cant operate you can die" Christian grimaced.

Ok, he didn't know that was completely true, but it must be. It was the brain, the most delicate part of the body, surely it would have a lot more attached risk then any other part?

"But they must of caught it early" Roxy tried, reaching out to Christian again

"You need to be positive Christian. That's what hes going to need, and hes going to need it from you" Roxy bravely started. She knew this is what Christian needed, a pep talk, a wake up call

"Even when he's feeling negative, you need to be positive. Your going to get him through this" Roxy nodded, and felt Christian nod slightly, his head leaning on her shoulder again

"And your not alone" Roxy smiled slightly, pressing a small kiss to his forehead

"What, is Zainab going to come round daily with cookies and muffins?" Christian sarcastically mumbled

"Surely even she will thaw slightly if you tell her her son has cancer" Roxy asked, in disbelief, feeling Christian recoil from the word Cancer. It still hadn't registered.

"Syed shouldn't have to have Cancer to be noticed by his family" Christian angrily said. He didn't angrily address this to Roxy, but he was just venting. Then he heard the door creak open

"Im so sorry I didn't mean to hear..your conversation. I was gonna ask Rox if she could help downstairs but don't worry" said the voice of Alfie, appearing in the room looking very guilty and embarrassed. He had literally crawled up the stairs just to see if Roxy was ok to come back down, and he had heard that Syed had cancer. He was mortified to of heard it

"Its ok" Christian said, speaking more to the wall then Alfie. He couldn't deal with eye contact right now

"Im gonna..go.. im so sorry Christian" Alfie nodded at Christian, understanding the nod back to be a signal of "ok"

"Wait, Alfie" Christian said suddenly, watching Alfie amble back into the room

"Yeah?" Alfie asked, watching the other mans face contort into a frown again

"Can you not tell anyone what you..heard. I don't think its going to be public for a long while" Christian said, speaking more then he had in a while

"Sure thing" Alfie quickly responded, going back downstairs, painting a face of "its absolutely fine"

"Im gonna go Rox..thank you" Christian smiled, giving her a proper hug

"you have nothing to thank me for. Give Sy my love" Roxy said, sounding unusually calm and collected for Roxy.

Christian kissed her cheek with a slight smile, and quickly ran out of the vic, taking a sharp breath, and looking shocked to see Syed in the square, watching him with what looked like a fond smile. A small smile, but a smile.

Christian tried to rub his red rimmed eyes, and headed over, he didn't want to give off any vibes that he had been upset, even though he knew thats why Syed sent him out. to let off steam.

* * *

><p>"Sy..I thought you were..sleeping?" Christian asked, watching him, immediately making eye contact<p>

"I was, but I couldn't sleep. And I figured I could go for a walk" Syed smiled cheekily, and looked at Christians eyes carefully. He took his hand, and lead him over to Arthurs bench, sitting crossed legged like a small child as soon as he sat down.

"Sorry Christian" Syed said, playing with Christian's hand slightly, looking at it, almost as if he was asking it for help or advice.

"You have nothing to be sorry for" Christian said, with almost so much passion he shocked himself, and he got Syed's glance directed back onto him, with the impact of the sentence

"I thought I would give you time to think.." Syed started, and it was clear that the conversation was going somewhere, that he had been thinking about this

"Think about.." Christian started, knowing that Syed would fill the gap, and almost immediately he spoke again, more quietly, but with a authority, a power

"About what you want" Syed said boldly, but still managing to sound a lot calmer then Christian felt

"What I want?" Christian asked, pulling his head back a little

"Christian. Im ill. And I don't want you to feel that you have to be with me while im all like this.." Syed concluded his speech by throwing his hands into the air with frustration

"Sy" Christian sighed. Typical. Syed had sent him out so Christian had the space to think about what he wanted. He was ill and he still put Christian first.

"I wouldn't hold it against you" Syed said quickly, feeling disheartened. It was going to happen, that was why he sighed..he panicked. He felt Christians warm hands embrace his cheeks

"Don't say that ever again" Christian demanded, locking his green eyes into contact with Syed's watery brown. He said it with such a conviction that Syed almost felt speechless. He was speechless. Christian carried on

"I am with you, every step of the way. I love you. Nothing will ever change how I feel" he summarised, stroking Syed's cheeks calmly, and rubbing the stray tear that had appeared

"I don't want to put you through whatever this is" Syed admitted, putting a hand on Christians

"Your not asking me to or making me. I want to because I love you" Christian said, sniffing slightly and holding Syed's hand, using his other hand to bring Syed closer to him, all he wanted was to wrap the younger man in his arms and make him believe that for one more night, everything would be ok. Then from 10.30am tomorrow..it would change again.


	10. A unwanted revelation

_Hey everyone, thank you so much for the beyond kind reviews! Trying to show things from a lot of characters perspectives this chapter, so certain characters may be a bit..OOC lets call it!_

_Dedicated to my lovely Chryedians over at DS XX_

* * *

><p><strong>2 weeks later.<strong>

Syed sat in the pub waiting for Christian thoughtfully. The only people that knew were him, Christian, and Roxy. He wouldn't of normally chosen Roxy as a secret keeper, but he knew that she was one of the only people who Christian would ever confide in about this, seeing as he was trying to avidly to be the strong man for him.

* * *

><p>Alfie looked at him, almost with a sympathetic glance. Syed wrinkled his eyebrows a little, and sipped his orange juice. He didn't want fuss. That's why he didn't tell people. And when was the right time to say "I have a brain tumour"…it didn't have to be common knowledge, it would just be an array of sympathy and reassurance, that he didn't need. He hadn't got his head around it himself. It made everything else seem so minor. He hadn't even thought about telling his parents. Or Tam..what about tam? He would be gutted..then him, being a science genius would probably start turning up to the doctors with him and challenging them, and then it would ruin his studies.<p>

* * *

><p>He had just said to Christian he wanted no fuss. Christian sighed, with a small bought of frustration, saying "you never do". He had leaned on Syed's shoulder, and looked out of the window, and for the first time, looking visibly vulnerable and scared. His green eyes had pondered into the distance, he was obviously thinking. That's when the bravado mask slipped.<p>

Christian came in, looking tired and weary. He hadn't slept much since he found out, Syed was always sleeping, he was exhausted, he was ill. That's what kept Christian from sleeping.

Christian was not usually a worrier. Well he was, but he wasn't one of those people who would keep it in a compartment, like Syed. He would tell people, get it off his chest, and then that would be done. But this lingered over his mind, it kept his mind in overdrive, it felt like a machine that he tried again and again to switch off, but it just continued whirring well into the night, Christian would stare at the ceiling, every shadow being revealed to him because of the open curtain. Every passing car, every shout of a drunken teenager, or a group of lads on the way back from the city. He would watch the sunrise, and tell himself that it was another day, things would get better. He was a eternal optimist. But things weren't getting better. The brain tumour hadn't vanished, the only difference was that Syed was on medication that halted the symptoms.

They had said they needed to wait for the tumour to "develop" so they could figure out if operation was the key to success. "Develop?" Christian had cried, shaking off a hand squeeze from Syed, who had absorbed the information like a silent sponge. "Wont that hurt him more?" he had probed, pointing a finger and looking defeated as the doctor told him that it wasn't like that..thats what they all said..

* * *

><p>"Got you a orange juice" Syed said with a small laugh, and Christian gave him a tired grin, rocketing himself back into the world<p>

"How you feeling?" Christian asked sincerely, sitting down and immediately feeling a little better at the closeness, thats what he missed even more when he was away fro Syed. Being with him, even in the pub, just was what he needed

"Alright thanks..how was the work out..was it "spare tyre" girl or the one you named a whale?" Syed asked, with a slight smile again. He always did love Christians mindless chatter about his work, they used to spend hours laughing about each client when Syed managed Christians time.

"Spare tyre, and im pretty sure she has had a butt-load of take-aways" Christian sighed, and Syed laughed a little. It felt almost like a stretch, that he was smiling. He hadn't properly smiled in days, every part of him had just been washed in fear, consumed by it. It was a welcome distraction. Something he had taken for granted before. Something he knew would never happen now..

* * *

><p>"Heeeeey" came a loud voice, and Christian gave Roxy a wide grin, and a hug.<p>

A slightly baffled Syed was hugged by Roxy aswell, and then he realised. She knew, so this was how it was going to be from now on.

She was going to be nice..well, at least there was one advantage. He chuckled to himself. He knew Roxy only gave him a wide berth because of her love for Christian, but he did find it a little overbearing having Roxy frown at him everytime they argued, or turning up on his doorstep telling him to move away..but that was the past. Everything would change now

"How are you both?" Roxy asked, sitting down with her vodka tonic, and making a small face. What a stupid question. She was never the best at articulating feelings..

"Bearing up" Christian said, boldly, but Roxy could hear that silent quaver in his voice, Christian trying to be strong again. Syed closed his eyes and nodded a little, in agreement, then he caught Alfie glancing over again

"Does he think ive been beaten up or something?" Syed asked, sitting up slightly, paranoid. Alfie didn't know, and he had been shooting him worried looking glances all day

"What? Who?" Roxy asked, wheeling around and catching Christians eye..he hadn't told Syed about Alfie knowing..

"Alfie, hes been giving me funny looks all day" Syed said, wrinkling his brow again, and Christian put on a false laugh

"Im sure he hasn't babe" Christian said, with a stage grin, and Roxy looked at him again, and downed her drink, knowing that she had to do something before Christian wilted

"Let me get another drink" she said, with the subtly of a brick, and left the table.

"No wonder she beat you in that daft shot game" Syed grinned, and Christian tutted with a laugh

"She did not beat me" Christian concluded, laughing again.

* * *

><p>"Granddad, what you doing?" Roxy asked, leaning on the bar and talking to Alfie immediately<p>

"What? Slow down Goldilocks what have I done wrong?" Alfie protested, holding his hands up in mock surprise

"Staring at Syed like hes a lost dog!" Roxy replied, rolling her eyes slightly

"I haven't.." Alfie started

"He can see you.." Roxy sarcastically retorted, crossing her arms

"Sorry..I just feel for the guy!" Alfie shook his head a little

"He doesn't want anyone to know, ok Alf?" Roxy tilted her head to one side

"Ok" Alfie admitted defeat, and his eyes darted towards Max and Greg, who were currently making a scene

* * *

><p>"You slept with my wife.." started Greg, looking angrier by the second. A horrified Tanya was trying to mediate<p>

"Sorry mate it wasn't meant to happen like this.." Max started, with the smug tone of voice that only he had perfected so well

"Like what eh?" Greg shouted, rising to the bait immediately

* * *

><p>"Maybe we should go incase they cause a scene" Christian pondered, and watched Syed roll his eyes in a sense of amusement<p>

"Christian im not going to drop dead if someone raises their voice" he muttered sarcastically, and Christian laughed a little

"I know I know.." he chuckled, sipping his drink

* * *

><p>"Guys, just stop" Tanya tried to stand in the middle of Max and Greg, watching them square upto eachother<p>

"Stay outta this Tan.." Greg instructed, giving her a small push out of the way. It was only a small push designed to get Tanya out the way, but Syed had seen everything, and the look of fear in Tanyas eyes had made him automatically jump out of his seat, despite Christians silent pleas. Christian watched him, resting his head on his hand, surveying things.

"Are you alright?" Syed had walked straight to Tanyas side, watching her look of shock. She turned to Syed, whose brown eyes immediately met her blue ones

"This is all my fault. Im Stacey. Im a homewrecker" Tanya closed her eyes and took a sharp breath, trying to shut Max and Greg out of the conversation.

"Your not. remember what we said before.." Syed breathed with Tanya, trying to calm her down, the way he did in the salon. His presence relaxed her a little, it was like she had someone on her side, and it wasn't just her, and two men who had caught her in the middle

"What we said before?" Greg asked, catching the end of the conversation, and Tanyas face contorted into a pained expression, she didn't want to make things worse for herself, or bring Syed into anything.

"You knew..so you've been discussing it with your work buddies nice Tan" Greg screwed up his face, his eyes flashing with anger, with hurt. Why was he the last to know? He looked from Syed to Tanya, looking disgusted at his wife

"nobody wanted to hurt you.." Syed started, trying to mediate, and trying in vain to paint a better picture of Tanya, trying to protect her from the verbal lashing she was doubtlessly about to receive. In front of the whole pub. He knew better then anyone that having your dirty laundry aired in public was humiliating, and he also knew due to the fact most of the village gossips were in the pub, that they were probably making mental notes, and the whole of the market stall would be aware by tomorrow.

"Did anyone ask you? I bet you and him swapped loads of tips on how to cheat on your partners..thats right pal ive heard your history.." Greg started. He was usually polite, mild mannered. But he had a lot of beers down him and he wanted to know why as usual, he was the last to find out something that affected him, and why Max, Lauren, and the gay guy down the road, knew more then him.

"Oi. Leave it" Christian said, appearing from behind Syed, and Greg watched Max's face, which had spread into a small smile at the fact that Greg was in his opinion, coming across as a idiot.

"Like destroying lives do ya?" Greg seethed, watching him sip his whisky like nothing was wrong

"Max" Tanya pleaded. She knew he was too proud not to respond..

"Destroying? Melodramatic" Max commented, and then Greg slammed his drink down, launching himself at Max, tackling him. Max grabbed Gregs unsteady arms tightly, and tried to push him, but Greg shoved him back harshly. Christian almost saw it in slow motion as Max struggled to balance, sliding straight into Syed, who fell straight to the floor, banging his head against a table

* * *

><p>"Oi, oi lads what are you doing GET OUT" Alfie shouted, ringing the bell and appearing himself to push Max and Greg out the door. Tanya looked too frightened to go near them, and watched Syed touch the blood on his head and sigh. He knew it was coming..<p>

He weakly threw up on the floor, feeling Christians presence guarding him. Everyone was in the pub, watching. Tanya, Roxy, Kat, Alfie, Jane, Billy, Janine..all the people who lived in Walford, and he was having the sickness in the middle of the pub? Brilliant..he knew it was going to be revealed, it was inevitable. Christian was acting like a concerned human body guard, but everyone was looking over.

That was the thing about Walford. Careful planning of something never worked. Things like this always happened publically. There was no chance of something like this being graceful, or only being shared with a few. He should of known that from the start. The way everything was revealed around here. It was horrible, humiliating, degrading almost. And now, thanks to Tanyas stupid ex husband and current husband fighting, he had to reveal everything. He was trying to think ways around it, but he knew he couldn't. he couldn't exactly hide behind being "concussed", he had just violently thrown up. He groaned, and felt himself being shaken back into the real world

"Sy are you ok?" Tanya asked, looking upset

He toyed with what to say next, not knowing how to announce this sort of thing..

* * *

><p>"You need to get that to hospital what if its ruptured?" Christian said, nervously, gripping his hands and twisting them around<p>

Then he clapped his hand over his mouth, and Syed sighed again. He loved Christian with all his heart. But if there was one bad trait about the man, it was the fact that in pressured situations, he was way too honest. But Syed didn't blame him. He was worried of course he was worried.

"Ruptured, whats ruptured?" Tanya asked, looking from Syed to Christian with a puzzled expression. Roxy pulled a face at Christian who grimaced slightly and turned to Syed, who took in a breath and squeezed his face a little, knowing that this was it

"Tan..I have..a…brain tumour" Syed finally managed to say, after a moments silence. Tanya gasped, and the rest of the pub pretended that they weren't listening, but from the dropped jaw expression that Ian Beale was sporting..it was obvious that this was not the case

"A brain tumour..oh my god Sy why didn't you say anything?" Tanya asked, looking shocked and amazed that he could of hidden it from her

"No fuss" he smiled a little. It was a wish that was never going to come true

"What kind of brain tumour is it?" Tanya asked, resisting the urge to throw her arms around him

"Cancer" Syed pulled a face, and Christian tried his hardest not to get emotional, and he looked at every expression in the vic, all of them were now changing.

Kat looked horrified, as did Alfie. Jane looked almost grief-stricken. Thank god Syed's parents hadn't witnessed this…

* * *

><p>"Everyone I think we should shut" Kat suddenly said, through the silence. She had just been sitting, surveying the scene that was taking place on the floor, and she realised it needed to be away from prying eyes. She saw Alfie move from behind the bar and start to get everyone out, slowly. It was like slow motion. She wasn't that close to the younger man, but cancer? Even the word shook her to her core. It was vicious, it was nasty.<p>

"Lets get you up" she heard the gentle voice of Christian say, and she watched with sorrow as Syed clasped both of his hands determinedly around Christians wrists, trying to heave himself up, but he was mainly supported by Christian

"Come on, lets go upstairs" Alfie muttered quietly, pressing a kiss to Kats head

"Yeah.." Kat said, still shell-shocked. She heard Alfie shout a solemn goodbye to the people still in the pub, steering her upstairs.

"its horrible" Kat suddenly said, to Alfie, about half way up the stairs

"I know..I found out before.." Alfie admitted, and Kat watched him, intrigued

"Christian came in a couple of weeks ago, really downbeat, Rox went upstairs with him, I figured it was a lovers tiff, so I went to see if Rox could get back on the bar, then I heard it..ive never been so mortified Kat" Alfie said, slouching his shoulders, and heading upstairs.

* * *

><p>Tanya had headed outside. She was intending to come back in, but not until she had shouted her head off at Max and Greg. Or whichever one of them was going to be hovering outside the pub waiting for her.<p>

"Im sorry Tan..I shouldn't of hurt your mate..although it was Max" Greg admitted

"If you didn't push me like some common bodybuilder this wouldn't of happened, pal" Max rolled his eyes, and stepped towards Greg

"Jealous of the fact im a real man?" Greg grinned slightly

"Why don't you ask Tan?" Max asked, with a small snigger and a snide grin, and then suddenly looked at Tanya, who looked upset, and repulsed

"Babe don't let this upset you" Max said, and moved to comfort her, immediately getting pushed away

"Its not about you" Tanya spat, loosing her patience and tolerance for both of them at that precise moment

"see..shes just upset we fought" Greg nodded, with a air of confidence

"Or maybe im upset that you guys fought, injured one of my best mates, who actually has just revealed he has a cancerous brain tumour that could have been affected by you two absolute idiots!" Tanya retorted quickly, brushing a hand through her hair. She watched Greg look visibly taken aback, and he spoke while things sunk in for Max

"Syed has..Cancer?" Greg asked

"Well that's what she said bob the builder" Max rolled his eyes, but his tone of voice had changed to more of a sympathetic one, as he suddenly realised. Cancer, that was big. He stepped towards a little

"And I pushed..oh god, is he ok?" Greg asked, and Max stepped forward once again, his eyes narrowing, and his brow creasing

"Im going to see now" Tanya frowned, turning to walk off, then turning around one more time

"Don't follow. Stay away" she warned, a certain fire appearing in her eyes, leaving both men with serious food for thought. And a slight arena of guilt building around them

* * *

><p>Jane and Roxy sat on a table on the other side of the pub<p>

"You knew didn't you?" Jane asked, with a soft smile

"Yeah..only for a few weeks" Roxy confided, rubbing her hands together for warmth

"Hows Christian bearing up?" Jane questioned, even though she already knew. She felt stupid, she had been the one dismissing Christian's fears, thinking he was just paranoid. When all of the time, it had built to this..it was completely crazy

"You know him, strong around Sy, not so strong with me.." Roxy shakily said, Jane watched her sadly

"Poor poor Syed" she blinked, and Roxy nodded, her head feeling like a weight

"Tanya used to sneak him loads of breaks. Days off. I used to think he was lazy" Roxy admitted, leaning back

"We all just thought it was a case of stress. Christian came to me, multiple times a day, worried out of his head, and I told him it was nothing. I feel slightly out of touch now" Jane let the frown and worry play across her face again

"Even Syed thought it was nothing" Roxy tried to reassure her, and her eyes followed Janes to the scene of Syed and Christian on the other side of the room

"Whats going to happen now?" Jane whispered, watching her brother tenderly stroking Syed's hair, with such adoration but such fear evident in his emerald eyes. He looked tired, weary. She knew Christian, he probably hadn't slept, he was probably treating Syed like a small puppy who wasn't trained, staying up to make sure nothing happened during the night. She knew what Christian was like when he was dedicated to someone. Well. She didn't really. She had only ever seen this side of Christian appear around Syed

"I don't know Jane.." Roxy admitted again, sheepishly

"Jane" Roxy quietly asked. She had been having certain thoughts for a while, but she couldn't share them with Christian, she couldn't weigh him down even more heavily..she saw Jane direct her gaze towards her, and knew she had the other womans attention

"What if its bad..what if they cant operate?" Roxy shakily asked, watching Christian again, the sadness accentuated in every movement he made.

"It wont get to that will it?" Jane asked, her eyes widened. She hadn't heard anything about it, apart from it being a brain tumour

"Christian said to me the other week, if they cant operate he might die..how would Christian cope if that happens?" Roxy asked, sighing and watching them again

"It wont come to that. It cant" Jane firmly replied, crossing her arms in a determined manner. It couldn't get to that. If anything happened to Syed, Christian would be destroyed. She had never seen her brother so happy, content, in love. Without Syed, she was afraid that Christian would loose every part of his grip on the world. And then there was Syed himself. A man who had undertaken such a intense journey to get his happy ending, and now he could be facing the final chapter..

They were interrupted by a small noise of the vic doors opening

"Hey, its only me" Tanya said, softly spoken as usual, putting her bag on the table and looking sadly at Jane

"All that time and I thought it was just stress like Lauren had.." she said, and Jane turned, knowing she would have to reassure another person…

* * *

><p>Syed woke up shaking a little, he felt himself wrapped up in Christians jacket, and softly smiled at his boyfriends habit of absentmindedly stroking his hair when he was thinking. He had his head in Christians chest, and he had been laid down<p>

"Hey you..you fell asleep" Christian tried to smile, but he just looked so afraid

"Happens quite a lot lately" Syed feebly joked "everyone knows now" he added, frowning

"Everyones concerned" Christian quietly said

"Its all real now" Syed sighed, touching the place where his head had been hit, and groaning a little

"Does it hurt?" Christian asked, his head almost jolting towards the wound

"Its fine…its pretty cold in here" Syed commented, and he shut his eyes in a rare feeling of happiness as he felt Christian move him slightly, into their normal position. It didn't matter that they were stretched across the pubs seating. Christian pulled Syed against his chest, and enveloped him in his strong arms, pulling his jacket over the top of Syed's chest, pressing a kiss to his head. He still seemed drowsy.

"Sleep babe" Christian gently said, stroking a stray curly hair out of the other mans eyes

"That's all I do" Syed whined, like a small child

"You need energy Sy" Christian reminded him

"I don't want to be one of those ill people. One of those people who sit in all day sleeping and getting people running after them, I don't want-" Syed had started, but Christian cut him off

"Sy, like it or not your not well.." Christian started, trying to ignore the stupid betrayal of the tear that had just welled up in his own pair of eyes. He hated saying it. The word "ill" or "not well" factored as badly as "brain tumour" or "cancer" these days, because they all connected.

"If you rest, it will help you get stronger" Christian continued, finding the quaver in his voice leave temporarily as he gave the instruction

"And if your stronger, that-that tells that tumour where to shove it" Christian finalised the statement, adding a halfhearted chuckle and ignoring the tear that slid down his face, landing on Syeds forehead

"Sorry" Christian muttered, tenderly wiping Syeds forehead

"Im meant to be strong for you, and now im blubbering" Christian was almost talking to himself more then Syed. He was the one who always pressurised himself into being the strong man. It had all piled on top of him, on a particular day where he was weary and tired, a day that had turned from mundane and depressing into eventful and downright scary.

"Its ok be vulnerable Clarkey.." Syeds small voice dragged Christian away from his thoughts, and Syed wrapped a arm around Christians neck, and used it to caress his face slightly, enough to make every nerve in Christians body electrify

"Don't be afraid to show me every part of you. Its what makes us us" Syed said softly, stroking a thumb over his cheek in a simple manner

"I love you" Christian whispered, pulling him even closer. Syed shuffled so he was now sitting up normally again, and watched his boyfriends puzzled face

"Come here" Syed simply said, opening his arms properly, and quickly pulling Christians muscular form towards his, pressing a strong kiss onto Christians slightly damp cheek. He rested a weary head on Christians shoulder, and finally felt the other man melt into his embrace

"Your still my superman" Syed said, raising his head slightly before burying it into Christians shoulders again. It was small moments like this that would help Syed weather the storm..


	11. Personality clash

Thank you for the reviews all, means alot! Sorry this took a while to update, dedications to every Chryedian out there!

* * *

><p>The next day..<p>

"Christian…Christian…Christian.." Roxy had tried, shouting his name the last time

"Alright babe?" Christian answered, folding his arms as if he had just heard her

"Oh, finally.." Roxy said, raising an eyebrow into the air

"Sorry" Christian said, in a voice similar to a child "im tired" he stated

"What time did you get off to sleep in the end?" Roxy asked, tossing him some cleaning materials to clean the bar

"I don't even know if I did sleep Rox" he chuckled in response.

It wasn't through lack of trying, he just seemed to sit and watch Syed, for what he thought were minutes. It turns out that according to the sky, it was hours, and it was always too bright to sleep whenever he had put his head back onto the pillow.

He would always sit with his head propped up on his hand, elbow digging into the mattress, watching his partners soft breaths, but tonight was different. He had a gash on his head, but being Syed, managed to wangle going home instead of to the hospital. Those puppy dog eyes defeated any normalities, any time.

Syed could pull that face and tell him to jump from a tall bridge, and he probably would.

"Christian, I know its stupid to say, but you've gotta stop worrying so much" Roxy said, standing back a little.

She knew Christian, and she also knew Christian when he was in a sensitive or grouchy mood. She was probably about to get her head bitten off

"Yes, why don't I take your advice and not worry, like I took Janes advice and didn't worry when he had symptoms of cancer but I ignored it because people told me not to worry.."

Christian started, rubbing the bar with extra vigour, he hadn't meant to snap like that, but he always stood by Roxy even when she was acting like a peroxide jerk, so why was she suddenly becoming all high mighty and honest with him?

"I don't mean it like that" Roxy started, with an eyeroll that Christan saw, and in response it made him sigh heavily.

Roxy began to regret speaking up, but she knew that she was the only one that could

"How do you mean it? Rox you have a chip on your shoulder, and I know you don't like Sy but that's just heartless" Christian scowled

"What?"

"Telling me not to worry about him!" Christian retorted, as if he was talking to a stupid five year old

"one, I do like Syed, and two, im not saying don't worry, im saying he wouldn't want you worrying to point where you cant sleep, Christian" Roxy firmly said, crossing her arms and standing her ground, and suddenly Christian got her point. He felt horrible. He was only this grouchy and touchy when he didn't have any sleep

"Right..sorry Rox..im really on edge" Christian sighed, feeling like a complete idiot for snapping like that at his best friend. Paired with his, he know also felt awkward and tired

"I know you are. And you know why? Your letting the worry consume you. Worry, but don't let it overshadow you and Syed.." Roxy said, muttering something else about taking her break, then giving Christian a small shove

"And I do not have a chip on my shoulder" she said, eyebrows raised again, and Christian softly laughed, and knew he was ok as Roxy returned the smile that he shot her..

* * *

><p>"Syed, your not in for today!" Tanya said, upon seeing the dark haired man enter the salon, she sounded sort of panicked, as if he shouldn't be allowed outside the house after what had been revealed. She put her nail file down and rushed up to greet him<p>

"How are y-" she had begun to say, but Syed was ahead of her, she was floundering around him already.._ this _was almost a illustration of why he didn't want everybody to know

"Oh please Tanya" Syed started, turning on the charm, deciding that he could sway her to at least have a cup of tea or something with him..he couldn't spend anymore time locked up in bed, even if his body wanted him too, it was overbearing, it was either hot or stupidly cold, and with Christian working to keep a roof over their heads, there was also a unpleasant lack of company too, apart from the TV and Internet that had never gripped Syed anyway.

Tanya let him continue

"Christians not in and the four walls of the flat are driving me crazy!" Syed said, sitting down before she told him to, and smiling sincerely

"Theres no customers but I suppose having a chat isn't against the law" Tanya replied with a small smile.. "tea?" she asked, and she grimaced slightly after looking at her phone

"Looks like you need something stronger" Syed quipped, and Tanya rolled her eyes a little and turned to him

"I cant say last night was the best of nights" she replied, looking at him with a small sigh, then she knew she needed to say something

"Sy, why didn't you say anything?" she asked.

She needed to know. She thought they had become pretty tight in the last few months, but he had been hiding this..

"The only people who knew were Christian and Roxy" Syed confided

"Roxy?" Tanya asked, contorting her face into one of confusion

"Not by choice..Christian needs someone to talk to" Syed gently replied

"Max and Greg didn't affect your head did they?" she asked, moving her eyes from gazing into Syed's. to looking at the mark on his head, visibly wincing as she saw it

"Its fine, a walk in the park..so whats going on with Max and Greg?" Syed asked, keen to change the subject from him. It was almost like he had seen a doorway, something to get out of talking about Cancer for five minutes

He liked talking with Tanya and talking about her life. It was refreshing to hear that sometimes, he wasn't the only person lost in translation, and that he wasn't the only person who didn't have all of the answers. They were just two friends with strong composures that broke down at the smallest thing

"I wish I knew..Greg knows.." Tanya cast her eyes down

"Did you want him to know?" Syed asked, watching her intently

"I don't know. Im always going to love Max but its dangerous, right?" Tanya started

"I mean Gregs so reliable and considerate, I know im it for him. but Max is the only person who I feel completes me, but am I that for him? and the girls.." Tanya fretted, and she felt a warm arm wrap around her shoulder

"Lauren and Abi are old enough to know about love..think about you" Syed calmly said, thinking of his own parents.

Was Zainab thinking of him, or Tamwar? Did Zainab ever think about him? That was a whole complication he hadn't thought about..his family. And now it was probable, that they were going to find out second hand, unless he got to them first. But the thought of admitting again, that he had a disease..

The thought alone killed him

* * *

><p>Zainab Masood was a woman of strength, pride, and sometimes a air of wit about her. Walking into the Vic to meet her husband Masood, to talk over their problems was not her favourite choice of things to do, but it was something that needed to be done.<p>

She had chosen the local pub because it was neutral. It wasn't their home where every memory would have her pining for him, and it wasn't his B & B so she would sympathise with his situation. It was completely normal in the pub, no sides, no underlying feelings ready to burst, just her him, two orange juices, no Tamwar, Afia or Yusef, and hopefully a rational conversation.

"Two orange juices please" she said to Roxy, trying to be polite. Trying. She didn't liked Roxy. She probably never would.

She was everything Zainab disliked in a woman. Tacky, promiscuous, a Mitchell.

"Spoken to Syed lately?" Roxy asked, in a oddly sincere voice. Zainab of course, took it as Roxy trying to be somewhat funny

"After what he did. Ha!" Zainab replied, in a deadpan voice, handing over Roxys money almost immediately, wanting to discontinue this conversation with immediate affect

"You really are something else?" Roxy snarled, stomping off to get her order with a look of disbelief on her face

"Excuse me?" Zainab spat, watching Roxy practically slam the two glasses ofOrangejuice onto the bar

"Whats going on peroxide?" Alfie asked, frowning at the massive bang that had erupted round the pub. Roxy ignored him and faced Zainab

"Your still not talking to him, after everything hes gone through..you look down your nose at us, but at least we understand the value of family.." Roxy said, eyes narrowed

"Come on Rox, not here" Alfie said quietly, he did agree, but he didn't want the situation being blown up in the pub, for two nights in a row. Syed and Christian were not even here, it didn't seem right at all

"I think I lost you" Zainab said in another monotone, looking as though she didn't care. Which she didn't really, Roxy's opinion counted for beyond nothing in her books

"Your son has a cancerous brain tumoru and your more interested in the fact that hes gay, and your more interested in the fact that you want to hold that against him. you disgust me" Roxy said, rolling her eyes and walking away, sprinkling Zainabs change on the counter

"Sorry about that darling" Alfie started scooping up the change, watching the woman in front of him falter with her expression. He didn't want to be around her any more then Roxy but she was a punter. And with her odd little quirks and Masala Queen, he had separated her from Syed and Christian in his head already.

"What did she just say?" Zainab snapped

"Who?" Alfie asked, feigning ignorance and watching the womans eyes pop open with frustration

"Roxy! About Syed" she said, slowly as if she needed him to understand

"About him having cancer.." Alfie muttered awkwardly, and the look on Zainabs face taught him everything.

She didn't know..

Syed walked through the square and tried not to chuckle at everyones expressions. On the way to the salon, he was just overly annoyed by everyones stares, but the way people were looking at him like he was going to keel over was starting to amuse him. either that or his mood had dramatically changed again.

Being the one with the actual disease made it a little less scary. As Syed had done with so many things in the past, he had sort of shut it off and focused on peoples reactions.

He had cancer, that's all he described.

Growth on the brain, tumour, blah blah blah, all through one ear and out the other, he was denying it for now. He didn't want to walk around believing that he was going to die until he was told. The symptoms had calmed down a little, and frankly he felt the best he had in days. He knew that was all going to be turned upside down at one point.

He focused his attentions on Christian, his reactions, his worries. He tried not to be plagued by his own.

Usually he would spend his nightime worrying away, but he was usually asleep by 9pm

He was still thinking of things as "an illness"

He treated it like some tropical disease.

But it was cancer..and it didn't wait for instructions, or acceptance..

* * *

><p>"Sy!" a breathless Christian said, running after him and panting a little<p>

"What happened to you?" an amused Syed asked, stopping in the road

"Was chasing after you for about 10 minutes, I was shouting your name" Christian moaned slightly, with a pout

"Oh..sorry" Syed innocently said with a grin, and his smile stretched when he felt Christians arm wrap around his waist, although he didn't return the gesture. He didn't know what was wrong with him, he just felt odd..snappy.

"How are you?" Christian asked, as if a bomb was about to go off, he could feel Syed's tense mood from the way that he was stiff in his arms

Syed level of frustration rose

Was that all he was going to hear now? No casual jokes, no fun, just "oh how are you" from everyone? From Christian? He might aswell bring the hoover next time to zap all of the fun out of conversations himself, it would be easier.

He appreciated people worrying about him, but the constant _"you must be devastated" "how are you coping" "how are you"_ was getting incredibly tedious.

He wanted something else to focus on, not constant reminders of what was wrong with him. he might aswell have "new Cancer patient" stamped on his forehead

"Fine" Syed said, staring off into the distance

"I went by the surgery and picked you up some leaflets" Christian said, dragging Syed to a bench, where he just stared

"Leaflets?" Syed asked, confused, looking at the assortment of colours displayed in front of him

"Yeah, for people going through what you are.." Christian zoned off. He had finished work at the vic two hours before, and thought it would be a good idea. He was reading them aswell, it turned out of be kind of relieving. Scary aswell, but relieving

"People going through what I am..im not some sort of stray animal!" Syed said, his voice full of annoyance

"Im not saying you are babe, im just saying maybe if you learn more we can talk to the doctor more" Christian said, placing a hand on Syeds, who didn't take it. Christian looked down at the leaflets, suddenly doubting himself. He could be right, if he knew more, surely there could be more discussion with the doctor, then they could both understand what was going on more, and maybe then this would make them both feel more at ease

"I don't care what the doctors say I just want them to cure it and then its gone" Syed irritably said, feeling hidden by the rage that was consuming him

"Its not that easy" Christian whispered

"I know, its all I hear, cancer this, cancer that, I don't want to talk about it!" Syed snapped

"Im only trying to help, im sorry if im a bit overbearing.."

Christian sighed, starting to feel bad, but his thoughts were stopped by seeing Syed rise away from the bench, aiming a neat kick at a tree next to him in some sort of abnormal frustration, and muttering something darkly like "I need a walk in space away from my brain tumour..oh wait" in a sarcastic tone, and stomping off.

Normally Christian would follow, but he knew Syed just needed to let off some steam.

Maybe he was smothering him, but it was from a place of love..and now he had started to overanalyse things. and Syed was walking off into the dark..he opened his mouth to shout after him

"Sy.." he tried, and Syed whipped around a little, no fault in his expression.

"Don't wait up" he said darkly, the angry side of him completely taking over. Syed didn't know what it was that set him off..it was almost as if he was convincing himself that people were talking to him to be a pity party. He wanted Christian, his gorgeous partner to joke with him, gossip with him. It was lovely being cuddled and being told everything was ok, but its all he heard lately, from everyone. He wanted Christian to be different. Even drunk Christian would be a damn sight more fun then the morose Christian who seemed afraid to crack a joke incase Syed dropped dead from laughing..he wanted to understand

_Understand? **Understand?**_ a voice sounded inside his head..of course he understood! He understood Christians point of view completely..or did he? His head felt like a big black cloud of doom had taken over, and suddenly he was engulfed in it, negativity and anger coursing through his veins.

He felt different, odd. Sort of gleeful in a horrible way. He walked quickly, up and down dark alleys, not even bothering to put a hood up when it started to rain. He felt free, free, annoyed, and lonely..

* * *

><p>Christian looked down at the leaflet he had picked up for himself, while he had been at the surgery. If anything he had been looking for peace of mind for both of them, stemmed by Roxy's advice. This was probably why he had ended up looking at a powder blue leaflet named <em>"friends of brain tumour patients"<em>

The third bullet point on the "symptoms" sector said:

_"The tumour doesn't only affect the patient medically; it also has an effect on the mental state of the patient. Expect some abnormal, out of character displays, and don't take them personally. If a normally placid person is lashing out, they probably don't even know it"_

Christian emphasised the bullet point in his head sadly. "Don't take it personally" seemed miles away right now, just like Syed's mind..


End file.
